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Of THE 



LIFE 



OP 



DAVID FERRIS, 

0n approfcefc Miuimv 



THE SOCIETY OF FRIENDS: 

Late of Wilmington, in the State of Delaware. 



Revised and corrected from the original copy in manuscript 



PHILADELPHIA: 



PUBLISHED BY JOHN SIMMONS, 

South-west corner of Third and Tammany Streets. 
Joseph Rakestraw, printer, 

1825. 



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A TESTIMONY 

TBOM 

Wilmington Monthly Meeting, in the County of New- 
castle, on Delaware, 

CONCERNING 

DAVID FERRIS. 



He was the son of Zachariah and Sarah Ferris ; and 
was born in Stratford, in Connecticut government, 
New England, the 10th of the Third month 1707. 
His parents being Presbyterians, brought him up in 
that way; his mother being religiously disposed, and 
much concerned for her offspring, frequently gave 
them good advice and admonition ; which had some 
good effect with this our friend, as he has often been 
heard to express. 

We find, by some remarks he left, that about the 
twelfth year of his age, he was frequently visited and 
called unto by the divine Monitor in his heart, to for- 
sake evil and youthful vanities, which he delighted in ; 
and, by being in a good degree faithful thereto, was for 
a time, preserved from them; but for want of attend- 
ing to that which would have continued to preser e 
him, the pleasures and vanities of this world got hold 






IV 

of his mind ; so that he took much delight in airy and 
vain company, music and dancing, and such like 
amusements, until about the twentieth year of his age ; 
v/hen it pleased the Lord to visit him with a sore fit 
of sickness, which proved of lasting advantage to him 5 
as it occasioned him to take up a fresh resolution, to 
forsake the evil of his ways, and turn to the Lord with 
full purpose of heart; which he was, through mercy* 
favoured with ability in measure to perform. 

He still continued in profession with the Presbyte- 
rians, not having any knowledge of Friends; although, 
by attending to the teachings of divine grace, he be- 
came convinced of the principle we profess; and 
iiearing of a yearly meeting of Friends to be held on 
Long Island, went to it, with desires to discover whe- 
ther they were a living people or not, for such he de» 
sired to find; where he met with what he often longed 
for, a people that worshipped God in spirit and in 
truth; which was a great strength and confirmation 
to him, in forsaking the errors of his youth. And by 
yielding obedience to these inward motions, he gain* 
ed strength, and was more and more enabled to bear 
a faithful testimony to the truth, as it was made 
&nown to him. 

In the sixth month 1733, he removed to Philadel- 
phia; where he joined in religious fellowship with 
Friends. In 1735, he married Mary, the daughter of 
Samuel and Sarah Massey; and in 17S7, removed to 
Wilmington, in New Castle county^ wher$ he resid- 
ed the remainder of his days. 



He made some appearance in the ministry about the 
year 1734 ; but through unfaithfulness to the divine 
call, he from time to time put it off, and remained in 
a neglect of duty therein upwards of twenty years ; 
although he was often warned, both immediately and 
instrumentally, in a remarkable manner ; which, at 
length, produced a submission to the divine will ; so 
that in the year 1755, he was made willing to give up 
thereto, and therein found great peace. 

He travelled through divers parts of this continent 
in the work of the ministry; and, by certificates pro- 
duced on his return home, it appeared, that his con- 
duct, conversation, and labours abroad, were exem- 
plary and edifying ; tending to the advancement of 
truth and righteousness. His doctrine was sound, 
and acceptable to the honest hearted, though sharp 
against the hypocrite and rebellious ; yet tender to 
the mourners and disconsolate. 

He was very serviceable in our meetings for disci- 
pline; which, with other meetings, he diligently at- 
tended ; not suffering his outward affairs to hinder 
him from what he believed to be his religious duty. 
And although he followed shop-keeping for a living, 
it was his practice to shut up his shop, and take his 
family with him to week-day meetings ; often expres- 
sing, for the encouragement of others, that he believ- 
ed it was attended with a blessing. He was free and 
open-hearted to entertain Friends; and concerned to 
bring up his children in plainness, and instruct them 
in the fear of the Lord, believing that to be the best 

A 3 



VI 

portion they could inherit 5 remarkably charitable to 
the poor, and often administered to their necessities. 

Bodily weakness attended him during the last three 
years of his life $ and near the close of his days, he 
was much afflicted with sickness, which he bore with 
patience 5 often expressing his prospect of his ap- 
proaching end, and his resignation therein ; saying, 
M All is well." Several Friends being present, after 
a time of silence, he in a lively manner repeated the 
expressions of the Apostle, " To me, to live is Christ, 
and to die is gain." 

He departed this life, the 5th of the Twelfth month 
1779, aged upwards of seventy-two, a minister about 
twenty-four years. On the 7th of the same month, 
his corpse was iaterred in our burying ground in 
Wilmington. 



OTIM)flBf 

Of THE 

LIFE 

of 

DAVID FERRIS. 



WHEN I consider the situation of man, in his 
fallen state, and the great change that all expe- 
rience who are delivered from the power of dark- 
ness, and have been translated into the kingdom 
of the dear Son of God ; that in order to attain to 
this happy state, all must experience a mortifica- 
tion of their natural tempers, and evil propensities; 
must know the " old man" to be slain, and the 
« new man" to be put on ; which, after God, is 
created in righteousness and true holiness ; and 
that, in order to walk in the new and living way, 
we must know old things to pass away, and all 
things to become new. I say, when I consider 
these things, I feel a concern for my felloe men, 
that they may become acquainted with this 
change. And, apprehending that I have had 
some acquaintance with it, by passing through 
various dispensations of trial and affliction, I am 



3 

inclined to leave some account of them to pos- 
terity ; to show to those who follow, that the Lord 
is ever near, and will be found of those who seek 
him early; that he is long suffering towards those 
who go astray, and merciful to all who sincerely 
turn to him ; hoping it may minister information 
and encouragement to weary travellers in the 
same road ; and induce them cheerfully to com- 
ply with divine requirings. 

I wrote a short account of the fore part of my 
life in Latin, continued to about the twenty-fifth 
year of my age. The many difficulties and dan- 
gers in my way, and doubting whether I should 
hold out to the end, induced me to keep my history 
in a language unknown to those about me. I con- 
cluded that if I should hold on my way, I might 
afterward translate it into English ; and add to it, 
as I found freedom. And now, after about twenty 
years experience of divine support and preserva- 
tion, having great cause to say that « God is good 
to them who seek him ;" that none seek him in 
vain; and that his tender mercies fail not; I am 
inclined to translate it ; hoping it may be useful ; 
at least, to some of my posterity. 

I was born at Stratford in Connecticut, New- 
England, the 10th day of the Third month, 1707. 
Mj parents, Zachariah and Sarah Ferris, made 
profession with the people called Presbyterians ; 



9 

and in that way I had my education. My father, 
while I was very young, moved to a place called 
New-Milford. It being a newly settled place, I 
had not the advantage of a school ; but, under the 
care of my mother, I soon learned to read in the 
Bible ; and understood that there was a Supreme 
Being, who made all things, and preserved and 
upheld them in their order ; and that, as the work- 
manship of his hand, I stood accountable to him 
for every part of my conduct. About the eighth 
year of my age, I was informed that the divine 
Being was self-existent ; without beginning and 
without end ; and not being able to understand 
how that could be, I, sometimes thought so in- 
tensely on the subject that I became much bewil- 
dered. At length it was shown me, that the pro- 
position was too high for my comprehension ; and 
I received something like a reproof for searching 
into things beyond my capacity. From that time 
I was fearful of prying into such deep mysteries. 

My mother, being a religious woman, and much 
concerned for the good of her offspring, both tem- 
porally and spiritually, was frequent in giving 
them good advice and admonition ; desiring that 
we might shun the paths of error; and teaching 
us, by her own example, as well as by precept, to 
walk in the ways of virtue, which lead to peace. 
This was a great help to us while young, and was 
not easily forgotten when we came to maturity. 



10 

Death was a frequent subject of my thoughts ; and, 
in the twelfth year of my age, I was frequently 
called by the Holy Spirit to forsake evil, and leave 
youthful vanities, which I then delighted in, and 
to be sober and circumspect in all my ways. By 
attention to the divine call, and to the reproofs of 
instruction daily communicated, I was preserved 
from evil ; and saw something of the beauty of 
holiness; the happy state of the righteous in the 
world to come ; and the moving situation of the 
wicked, when they put off mortality, and hear the 
awful sentence pronounced, «« Depart ye cursed." 
About this time, a little circumstance occurred 
that much affected my mind, and afforded me last- 
ing instruction. As I was riding through a river, 
against a rapid current, a young dog attempting 
to swim after me, the stream being too strong for 
him, could not keep up with my horse. He ap- 
peared to be in the utmost distress, even to despe- 
ration. As my mind was filled with pity for the 
poor animal, it was opened, to view the awful 
amazement a poor soul must be in when leaving 
the world destitute of hope. As simple a circum- 
stance as this may appear, it was, I believe, of 
use to me for years. I was very careful of my 
thoughts, words and actions for several years 
afterwards : the fear of the Lord preserving me 
from evil. My mind was humbled under a sense 
of my daily want of divine help j and as I abode 



11 

under a religious concern, attending to the re~ 
proofs of instruction, which are the way to life, 
an increase of light and life was communicated 
to me : so that 1 came to delight in virtue. As 
my desires and care for divine things increased, 
the knowledge of them was unfolded. I could 
truly say, the Lord was my delight. And for some 
years, as I dwelt in his fear, his yoke was easy, 
his burden light, and all childish vanities were 
burdensome. While I kept near the spring of 
life, with my mind fixed on the true object, the 
world and the things thereof had lost all their 
lustre. But, alas ! not keeping my eye single to 
the, light, I lost my Leader ; and then, by little 
and little, the world rose again with splendor to 
my view. Earthly delights and vanity got such 
hold of my affections, that I took great pleasure in 
airy and vain company. This was an unspeakable 
loss to me, and I mention it that others may take 
warning by my harms. It seemed almost mira- 
culous that I was ever restored from this lapsed 
state. My mother mourned over me, and often 
advised and urged my return j showing me the 
danger of such a course of vanity. Yet I was not 
wholly forsaken by my inward Monitor and for- 
mer Guide. At times it reproved me ; at other 
times called me j wooing and pleading with me 
to return. Sometimes, in the midst of my vanity, 
I saw that 1 was in the way to death j and that 



12 

it would land me in everlasting confusion ifl did 
not forsake it. Sometimes my concern was so 
great, that I was obliged to leave my vain compa- 
nions, and retire so full of trouble and distress, 
that I had no satisfaction until a considerable time 
afterward. During these seasons of affliction, I 
was ready to promise to forsake my vain course 
of life, and to covenant with the Lord that 1 would 
do so no more ; provided he would be pleased to 
grant me his assistance. But my efforts, being 
too much in my own strength, proved unavailing. 
Vanity so prevailed that I took great delight ia 
music, dancing, and other vain amusements. 

In the twentieth year of my age, I was visited 
with severe illness ; so that I, and those about me, 
had very little hope of my recovery. Then death 
stared me in the face; and a dreadful scene of 
woe, anguish and misery opened to my view. It 
appeared clear to me that if I were then taken off 
the stage of action, I should be unavoidably lost ; 
and that evil spirits were waiting round me, to 
convey my soul to the mansions of misery and 
everlasting darkness ; so that my horror, anxiety 
and distress were inexpressible. In the utmost 
anguish of mind, I cried to the Lord for help ; pro- 
mising amendment, if more time and ability were 
afforded me ; and it pleased a kind Providence to 
be propitious to me ; so that I was restored to 
health j and, in about a month, was able to walk 
about. 



18 



After my recovery I remembered the distress 
I had been in, and the promise I had made, when 
under the dreadful apprehension of everlasting 
misery and destruction. 1 saw the necessity of a 
faithful performance of my vows. I was sensible 
that there was a work to be done; and that if I did 
not now comply with my promise, I should have 
to pass through the same, or rather a worse scene 
of misery and distress. It appeared probable that 
a more convenient opportunity for repentance 
than the present would not be afforded ; and I 
concluded that this was the time to turn from va- 
nity ; forsake my evil ways ; and renounce all my 
sensual delights. But, when I had resolved to 
begin the necessary work of reformation, the ad- 
versary of all good tempted me to believe that it 
was too late to think of obtaining peace with my 
Maker; for this plain reason, "that as there was 
a day or time, in which men might be saved ; so, 
if they let that opportunity pass away unimproved, 
it would be in vain to attempt it afterward.'' He 
suggested, that I had had such a day of visitation, 
and had passed by it ; that I had been uncom- 
monly favoured with help, and for a time did not 
accept of it ; that I had been made a partaker of 
the Holy Ghost ; that I had tasted of the good 
word of God, and the powers of the world to come, 
and had fallen from it ; so now it was impossible 
that I should again be renewed unto repentance 5 

m 
P 



14 

seeing I had crucified the son of God afresh, and 
put him to open shame. This reasoning appeared 
so strong, and so consonant to the apostle's doc- 
trine, that 1 gave up the point ; and concluded it 
was too late to attempt a return, with hope of ac- 
ceptance. 

From that time, during the space of about two 
months, I never sought for mercy ; but remained 
in utter despair. My distress was as great as 
could well be supported without loss of reason. I 
daily wished for death, so that it might occur 
without laying violent hands on myself; which I 
was not much tempted to do. 

It was usual with the young people of our 
neighbourhood to spend much of their time in 
vanity and merriment; forgetful of God, their 
Creator; as if they had been made to please them- 
selves in the gratification of a sensual mind ; and, 
provided they were not profanely wicked, the 
elderly part of society were not yery uneasy with 
it. But, in the year 1727, there was a great re- 
formation at New-Milford, among the young peo- 
ple of the Presbyterian profession. They had 
been awakened by the immediate operation of the 
Holy Spirit on their own minds; and were brought 
into great concern for their future well being; 
tinder which they had no outward assistance. The 
apostolic doctrine of « Christ within," and of be- 
ing « led by the Spirit of God," was denied by 



15 

the priest and many of the people, who appeared 
to have little sense of a divine Teacher in them- 
selves; but asserted that revelation had now 
ceased, and no such thing was to be experienced 
in this day. As I had been the companion of 
those young people in vanity and dissipation, they 
(knowing nothing of my inward condition, which 
I had not discovered to any) generally applied to 
me for counsel and advice ; and I was much con- 
cerned on their account ; being desirous of afford- 
ing them assistance, although I had no hope of 
relief at that time for myself. 

My trouble continued and increased ; so that I 
had no satisfaction in life. On a certain day, in 
this season of despair and deep distress, I con- 
cluded to leave my native land and go into some 
foreign country, to spend the residue of my days ; 
where I purposed to remain unknown, and that 
none of my relations or acquaintance should know 
what was become of me. Being, in my own ap- 
prehension, a poor, lost, reprobate creature, I was 
not willing to remain at home, to be a disgrace to 
my relations and country people. This was a day 
of the deepest affliction and distress that I had 
known. Towards evening, as I followed the 
plough, my attention was arrested, as it were, by 
a still, small voice, saying, "The blood of Jesus 
Christ his son cleanseth from all sin." But I put 
it by ; saying in my heart, " It is too late ; there 



16 

has been a day wherein I might have been cleans- 
ed ; but, alas! I have let it pass over my head 
for ever." Some time after this, (perhaps half an 
hour,) while I was musing on what land I should 
flee to, the same words passed through my mind 
again, with more authority than before, and com- 
manded my attention rather more closely than 
they had done; but I again put them by; con- 
cluding I had lost all right to apply them to my- 
self. So I resumed the consideration of my flight 
to a foreign land. In the mean time my sorrow 
and anxiety of mind increased ; so that I was not 
well able to support it, or go on with my business. 
But while I w T as still musing, the same words un- 
sought for, and unexpectedly, passed through my 
mind with greater power and authority than at 
any time before, "The blood of Jesus Christ his 
son cleanseth us from all sin." At the sound of 
them my soul leaped for joy. I felt that a door 
of hope was opened, and said in my heart " If all 
sin why not mine ?" Then a living hope sprang 
in my soul. I saw the arms of mercy open to re- 
ceive me, and the w r ay cleared before me as a road 
through a thicket. 

I was now filled with joy unspeakable ; thanks- 
giving and living praise to my Redeemer arose in 
my heart for the experience of so great and mar- 
vellous a deliverance; that my feet should be 
plucked out of the mire and set upon a rock ; that 



17 

I, who had no hope just before, should now be 
favoured with a well-grounded assurance of par- 
don and acceptance, was a mercy never to be 
forgotten. 

From this time I sought for divine assistance ; 
and, in infinite kindness, a hand of help was ex- 
tended for my restoration, and the healing of my 
backslidings. Then I was enabled to sing upon 
the banks of deliverance, and praise the name of 
him who lives for ever. The Holy Spirit, that 
blessed Teacher, with whom I had formerly been 
favoured, but had forsaken, was now restored, 
as a leader and teacher, to direct and instruct me 
in the way to peace and rest. From this time my 
mind, after such great favour, was humbled and 
made subject to the cross of Christ, and heartily 
willing to take it up, daily, and follow him, my 
kind leader, in the narrow way of self-denial. 
And as I was obedient, he led me to forsake my 
vain course of life, and all those youthful delights 
and sensual pleasures which were displeasing to 
my dear Lord and Master j who in wonderful 
mercy had lifted me out of the dungeon, and heard 
my prayers in a time of deep affliction. He now 
became my director in all things ; showing me 
clearly what my duties were ; and enabling me to 
perform them in an acceptable manner. But if, 
at any time, I acted in my own will, I lost my 
strength, and found no acceptance nor benefit by 

B 2 



IS 

my performances; by which I gradually learnt, 
that I could do nothing, acceptably, without the 
immediate assistance of the spirit of Christ the 
Redeemer, Thus I found a necessity to apply 
continually to my only and all-sufficient helper ; 
and humbly to wait for his assistanoe and direc- 
tion ; and as I was faithful, he led me into the 
path of life, which, if continued in, will terminate 
in everlasting peace. 

Having gradually learned that nothing of a re- 
ligious nature could be effectually done, without 
the immediate assistance of the Holy Spirit, I 
may humbly acknowledge that I was wonderfully 
favoured with divine instruction : far beyond my 
expectation, and infinitely above my deserts. I 
was led, as it were, by the hand, and helped over 
every difficulty that attended me. But the adver- 
sary of my soul tried every stratagem to draw me 
aside from the path of virtue. He strove, night 
and day, to deter me from walking in the narrow 
way ; representing the difficulties to be so great 
that I could never hold out to the end ; and that 
all my attempts would be in vain. He seemed to 
be continually present, whether I was awake or 
asleep, disquieting my mind as much as possible. 
But my prayer was incessant for divine aid ; that 
a stronger than he might appear for my help, and 
dispossess him. And, in about a year after I had 
been raised from the pit of despair, as before re- 






19 

lated, I received a promise that '* the God of peace 
would bruise Satan under my feet shortly." Faith 
was given me to believe in this promise ; and I 
hoped for a speedy deliverance. But he continued 
to afflict me with his assaults, with temptations, 
and evil suggestions, for some months afterward. 
Notwithstanding which, I still believed the time 
would come, according to the promise, and I pray- 
ed for its fulfilment, in the Lord's time. At 
length, a stronger than he did indeed come, and 
cast him out, and wholly dispossessed him ; and not 
only bruised him under foot, but removed him far 
from me. 

The power of the enemy to assault, or in any 
wise to disquiet me, was now taken away ; neither 
was he able to lay any temptation before me. Now 
was my soul daily filled with thanksgiving and 
living praise for this deliverance ; as well as for 
all other the manifold mercies and favours of God, 
from day to day, bestowed upon me, « a worm and 
no man." To the honour of his great name, who 
hath done marvellous things for me, and to the 
praise of his grace, I may say, that the adversary 
of all good was not only thus prevented from trou- 
bling me ; but the fountain of divine life was open- 
ed, and the water thereof flowed so freely and 
plentifully into my soul, that I was absorbed in it, 
and so enamoured thereby, that all the riches, 
honours, and vain pleasures of this world, had no 



20 

place in my affections. In this state I longed to 
be with Christ ; which, I was sensible, was better 
than to be here. I do not know that there was one 
moment, whilst [was awake, for the space of nearly 
two years, in which I could not sing living praises 
to him who liveth for ever and ever. No losses, 
crosses, or disappointments did, in any degree, 
disturb me ; at least not perceptibly, either to my- 
self or others ; for my delight was in objects very 
different from any thing this world can give, or 
take away. I dwelt as in the mount, out of my 
enemy's reach ; and, apparently, out of danger 
from any evil. Here I hoped to remain all the 
days of my life, and that I never should be moved. 

However strange this relation may appear to 
many, I believe it is strictly true. I am sensible 
that some, who have no experience in things of 
this nature, may smile at this narrative; but 
others may be glad to see in it a relation of cir- 
cumstances corresponding, perhaps, to their own 
experience of trials passed through, or favours re- 
ceived from the divine and all bountiful hand. I 
have no vanity in penning this account ; but ra- 
ther a fear, lest the succeeding part of my life 
should not correspond with the favours conferred 
upon me, by a gracious benefactor; as stated in 
the preceding account. 

While I dwelt as on the mount, as before re- 
lated, my spiritual eyes were opened; my un- 



21 

derstanding enlightened and enlarged. I then 
wondered to see that the world, as far as my 
knowledge of it extended, was more in show than 
substance j better in appearance than in reality ; 
that even the true form of godliness was too little 
to be seen. I had conceived that the people 
among whom I w r as educated were better than the 
other professors of Christianity ; but when my eyes 
were thus anointed, to see clearly, I found very 
little true religion among them. Primitive purity 
appeared to be very much lost. I was affected 
with sorrow and mourning, on account of the great 
declension among the professors of the christian 
religion, in general : for the more I was concerned 
to examine the subject, and sought for divine wis- 
dom, the stronger were my convictions, the clearer 
my views, of a general apostacy ; that a life of self- 
denial, a dwelling under the cross of Christ, was 
very little regarded. 

Before this period I had had a desire to acquire 
a knowledge of the languages, and other learning, 
and now my mind became satisfied that it would 
be right for me to pursue these objects ; but, be- 
fore I give an account of my progress in this pur- 
suit, I will recur to a subject mentioned before. 
It was said, that in the year 1727, some of my 
companions were brought under a concern for 
their future happiness. This concern spread, and 
«o increased among the young people, at New- 



22 

Milford, that it became general. Many that had 
spent much of their time in vanity and mirth, 
were, at this period, exercised for their eternal 
welfare ; crying out, as some did formerly, " What 
shall we do to be saved ?" I think there were 
nearly sixty of us, in about one year, who joined 
in close communion with the Presbyterians, in the 
participation of the bread and wine. As we were 
faithful in the discharge of our duty, as far as it 
was manifested to us, and endeavoured to advance 
in the path of virtue, our understandings became 
illuminated, so as to perceive some things in a dif- 
ferent light from that in which they were seen by 
our fellow professors ; both with respect to prac- 
tical and doctrinal points. Some times we ven- 
tured to mention some of our sentiments, on subjects 
in which we apprehended there was a difference 
between us, which soon involved us in trouble. 

We were accused of holding heretical opinions j 
and brought before the church to answer the accu- 
sation. Neighbouring ministers were called to 
deal with us, on this occasion ; but they made lit- 
tle of it. I had previously stated, in writing, the 
points of difference between us ; with the reasons 
for our dissent j and when the congregation met 
to deal with us, I presented it to them. Where- 
upon a committee was appointed, to examine the 
document, and to judge whether it would be pro- 
per to read it in that assembly. On their return* 



28 

they reported favourably ; and it was read. Whew 
any difficulty occurred, I was desired to explain 
my meaning, which I did accordingly. After it 
was read through, they sat silent for some time. 
At length, an ancient man rose, and said, " If this 
be all wherein our younger brethren are supposed 
to differ from us, there is nothing in this writing 
that I 'cannot unite with, and say < Amen' to." 
Others, of the foremost rank, expressed the same 
opinion ; upon which it was concluded that our 
sentiments were not so heterodox as to prevent 
communion with us. It \va3 settled accordingly; 
and we were pronounced members in full com- 
munion. 

But, notwithstanding this conclusion, a report 
was circulated, and generally believed among the 
people, that we were heretics ; and I was consi- 
dered as a leader among them. Some called us 
Quakers; but w r e knew nothing of that people, 
and thought it as ill a name as they did ; though 
we considered it our duty patiently to bear the 
reproach cast on us for the Truth's sake. 

But to continue the account of my proceedings 
relative to the acquisition of learning. I first went 
to the teacher in our parish ; and staid with him, 
as a scholar, but one month, until he refused to 
teach me any further; alleging, as a reason for 
his refusal, that my opinions were too heretical to 
admit of my reception into the college ; so that my 



24 

labour would be useless ; or, at least, not answer 
the end proposed. He was a weak man; and had 
but little experience in religious concerns, in 
which I had now acquired some knowledge ; be* 
sides, he was not scholar enough to teach me to 
any purpose ; which made me willing to leave him. 
After this I soon concluded to go to Danby, 
about thirty miles from my father's house, and to 
place myself under the tuition of a teacher whose 
name was Moss. I had heard that he was a good 
scholar, and a good christian. These qualities I 
thought would make the situation pleasant to mej 
and I was not disappointed. Whilst I was prepar- 
ing to go to him, I was suddenly taken sick ; and 
became so ill, that, in a few hours, it appeared 
doubtful whether I should recover, I was in hope 
that my departure was at hand ; though I did not 
then see how I should be disposed of. Whilst I 
was lying very ill, though my understanding was 
calm and clear, and my will fully resigned, my 
mother came to me, and asked me if I thought I 
should die with that illness. I answered, I did not 
know how that might be ; but should be glad to 
leave this world, if it were the will of God. After 
some further discourse, my mother left me alone; 
and soon after, my soul (as I apprehended) depart- 
ed from the body. On which I was filled with joy; 
concluding I had done with this world, and all its 
troubles. Being now freed from the shackles of 



25 

mortality, I went on rejoicing toward the land of 
bliss with great alacrity of soul, and as I departed, 
I thought I saw my body lying a lifeless lump of 
matter. But as I went forward, I was met by some 
excellent person whom I took to be the Son of 
Gpd; and who informed me that I must not go; 
saying, ••Thou must return to the body; thou 
shalt not die but live, and declare the wonderful 
works of the Lord." I was troubled to think of 
returning, to be confined to a body of clay. How- 
ever, I stood still, musing and waiting for direc- 
tion ; w r hen it appeared to be my duty to submit. 
I then said, "The will of the Lord be done,'' and 
immediately I was in the body. Soon after this, 
my mother came again into the room, and repeat- 
ed the question she had put to mq before ; to wit, 
whether I thought I should die at that time. I 
answered, u I shall not die with this illness.' 5 
She seemed surprised that I should answer so po- 
sitively, and without hesitation; and then queried 
how I knew that. •* For," said she, •« you told 
me, about an hour ago, that you did not know 
whether life or death would be your lot at this 
time." I then gave her an account of the circum- 
stances just related ; which satisfied her respect- 
ing my confident answer. She was filled with 
joy, and thankful acknowledgment to the Foun- 
tain of all Good, that I was restored to her, and 
that he had been so propitious to me as to reveal 

c 



26 

iiis will in so clear and indubitable a manner. At 
this time my mother and I were both Presbyte- 
rians j and continued in that profession several 
years after this event. 

Being now sensible that my continuance here 
was required for a longer season, I became very 
thoughtful, lest I had been mistaken in supposing 
I had obtained the knowledge of my divine Mas- 
ter's will, respecting my learning the languages, 
&c. and was brought into a strict examination, 
whether I was in the way of my duty in making 
the attempt; for 1 had now a clearer sight that 
human learning was insufficient to prepare for the 
ministry of the Gospel than I had before. Being 
humbled, and self entirely reduced, I was willing, 
if I could discover that my attempt was wrong, to 
acknowledge my fault to him who knoweth all 
things ; repent of my rashness ; and confess my 
error ; especially to those to whom I had made 
known my intentions on the subject. I had told 
some of my companions that I saw it my duty to 
acquire learning ; and some considerable time be- 
fore there was any probability of it, I had gone so 
far as to say that I should obtain it. If, therefore, 
I had been mistaken, there was now great need of 
my knowing it, and making proper acknowledg- 
ments on every hand ; and to be more careful in 
future, not too easily to take any thing for granted, 
and then report it as a certainty. During this 



27 

sickness, which continued about three weeks, I 
earnestly desired that I might receive wisdom, to 
direct me in a way acceptable to the Lord ; and 
although I had a strong desire for the acquisition 
of knowledge, yet I was willing to submit to the 
disposing hand of Providence; and durst not ask 
for any thing but with entire, submission to the 
Divine will ; being sensible tfmt if I obtained it in 
any other disposition, a blessing would not attend 
it. At length, being on the recover}, and very 
much exercised in mind on the subject, I had, one 
morning, as 1 lay in bed, such a clear manifesta- 
tion of the Divine will thereon, as left no doubts 
on my mind respecting the course I ought to pur- 
sue ; and so I proceeded to prepare for admission 
into college. 

After this I soon recovered and went to the 
teacher at Danby, of whom 1 had heard so good a 
character, as beforementioned. I was well satis- 
fied with him, as I believe he was with me. He 
was a religious, tender spirited man ; and, I be- 
lieve, " a lover of good men," in the apostle's 
sense. After I had been with him some time, one 
of his congregation said to him, M I understand 
you have a heretic with you, preparing for admis- 
sion into college." He replied, " I wish all my 
congregation were such heretics as he is." To 
which his neighbour made no reply. This he told 
me himself soon after it occurred. I staid with 



28 

him six months, when his other scholars left hinr?| 
and as it did not suit him to attend on me alone, I 
went to one Robert Trett, at New-Milford, and 
spent about six months with him ; when he thought 
me sufficiently learned for admission into college. 
Accordingly I went there, passed an examination 
in relation to my learning, and was admitted with- 
out any mention of heresy. 

After my admission I endeavoured to keep hum- 
ble and to live in the Lord's fear; so as to be a 
pattern of lowliness of mind. I was desirous to be 
serviceable to mankind, and endeavoured to keep 
to that which alone could qualify for it. 

Here I think proper to remark, that in one re- 
spect I was apt to err, until experience taught me 
better. This was talking too much about religion 
in my ow T n will and time. At length I found it 
tended to poverty ; and I learned, when in com- 
pany, not to be forward to enter into any discourse 
concerning religion, or any other subject ; but to 
be content to keep silence and be esteemed a fool j 
until truth arose, a subject clearly presented, and 
liberty was given for conversation. Then I found 
a qualification to speak to the edification of others, 
and my own peace and satisfaction. I mention 
this for the benefit of others ; being convinced 
that many who have had experience of the truth, 
and have in some degree witnessed a change of 
heart, have talked so much on religious subjects, 



i 



29 

that their souls have become barren j so as scarcely 
to know when good cometh. 

Now, as I dwelt under a humble sense of my 
own nothingness, and sought for the direction of 
Truth, I found the Lord to be near by his Spirit ; 
to instruct me in all things necessary to be known j 
which were clearly manifested from time to time, 
as I was able to bear them. 

At my entrance into college my principles ge- 
nerally corresponded with those held by the Pres- 
byterians. But I now began to think it was time 
to examine for myself, and no longer trust in the 
judgment of my forefathers. I found it necessary 
to subject my principles and practices to a strict 
scrutiny ; because I began to be doubtful of some 
of them. But I was convinced that, as a rational 
creature, simply considered, without a divine in- 
structor, I was not competent to the undertaking. 
I clearly perceived that all right understanding in 
spiritual concerns must proceed from the imme- 
diate revelation of the Holy Spirit; and that we 
could not come to the knowledge of God, nor of 
any thing relating to his kingdom, without it. 

This belief was very different from that held by 
the people I made profession with j so that I had 
no assistance from them. On the contrary, their 
conversation, their preaching, and their books, 
were against me. I had no outward help but the 
bible; and that I could not understand without 

c % 



30 

divine assistance. There were no people with 
whom I was acquainted who believed in the light 
of Christ within, as I did j so that I had none to 
look to for instruction, in any difficulty, but to 
him. But, being very desirous to know the truth 
in all things, I made application to him who I be- 
lieve to be the only teacher of his people ; and as 
I waited upon him for instruction, my understand- 
ing was gradually enlightened, so as to perceive 
many errors in my former creed ; and to discover 
the truth in opposition to the doctrines of my edu- 
cation. 

That which stood most in my way, and appeared 
to be a grievous hardship to mankind, as well as 
a great dishonour to a just and righteous God, 
was their unconditional election and reprobation ; 
which would, according to their apprehension of 
it, shut out the chief part of mankind from all hope 
of mercy ; as they believed they were the Lord's 
only people, and that but few of others were within 
the pale of election. Yet I believe there were some 
amongst them who had a more extensive charity. 
I was much concerned on this subject j and being 
earnestly desirous to discover the truth, it pleased 
the Lord to open my understanding, clearly to 
perceive the error of this doctrine j and I was ena- 
bled to believe that Christ, who ** gave himself a 
ransom for all," would " have all men to be saved, 
and come to the knowledge of the truth." 



31 

I rejoiced in this discovery ; and when I was 
fully convinced of my former error on this subject, 
I proposed, for the consideration of one of my fel- 
low students, whether w r e had not been mistaken 
in that point of belief. We reasoned on the ques- 
tion many times, until he was almost convinced 
that we had been in an error on this subject. He 
did not then know that my sentiments were dif- 
ferent from his own ; but supposed that I proposed 
the question only for the sake of argument, and to 
hear what could be said for and against it. I pur* 
posely hid my real belief from him ; apprehending 
it not prudent at that time to discover my genuine 
sentiments. 

By the time we were willing to close the debate 
on that subject, I had something new to propose; 
and as strange as new to my opponent. When we 
were at leisure from our studies, we entered into 
debate upon it; and so, from time to time, we 
reasoned the point till we were willing to leave it. 
Thus, as things opened to my view, and my mind 
became clear in any point of doctrine, in opposition 
to my former belief, I proposed it for his consi- 
deration ; and so we reasoned upon it as long as 
we thought expedient. Thus we proceeded from 
time to time; debating on divers points of doc- 
trine, until my opponent was partly convinced of 
the truths I advanced, and became satisfied that I 
believed in the doctrines I produced for his consi- 



82 

deration. But as I thought it not a proper time 
to make my opinions public, I advised him not to 
expose them at present j to which he consented. 
We spent our leisure time, for two or three years, 
in discussing religious subjects ; new to him, and 
I but recently convinced of the truth of them. 

I had before this period heard of a people called 
Quakers; but was unacquainted with any of them. 
As I had never seen any of their writings, I knew 
not what doctrines they held ; but ascribe all my 
knowledge in divine things to the inward manifes- 
tations of grace and truth ; the teaching of the 
Holy Spirit. It was Christ, the light of the world, 
the life of men, who opened to me the scriptures, 
and gave me a discerning of their meaning; and, 
as I was faithful and obedient to the pointings of 
truth, I was favoured with further and clearer dis- 
coveries thereof. In this state I felt desirous that 
others should come to be acquainted with it ; and 
continued to give to my fellow student, aforemen- 
tioned, my views on the various subjects that pre- 
sented. We reasoned on them, as they were 
brought under consideration, until we had discus- 
sed the principal disputable points of doctrine. I 
do not remember that we omitted any thing that 
Robert Barclay had treated as a doctrinal point j 
although, at that time, I had not seen any of his 
writings, nor ever heard of them as I remember. 



36 

I have mentioned these things to show that ac- 
cording to Christ's declaration, H If any man do 
his will he shall know of his doctrine, whether it 
be of God ; w * and that " we need not that any 
man teach us, but as the anointing teacheth us of 
all things."f 

Though we had debated all those points, as be^ 
fore related, yet, at leisure hours, we again dis- 
cussed them, and became much of one sentiment 
on the various subjects ; as will appear when I 
come to relate the particulars of our final sepa- 
ration. 

By this time I had some view of a false ministry 
and a false worship, which had been introduced 
into almost all the churches of professing chris- 
tians, with which I was acquainted ; but my sight 
in these two particulars was not so clear as it was 
in many others which w 7 e had debated. Although 
I perceived a defect in the ministry, yet I did not 
then see that it was altogether wrong, nor did I 
then know that it was wholly of the *« letter that 
killeth ; w but afterwards I obtained a clearer sight 
and knowledge thereof. At this time I thought as 
a child, and understood as a child, with regard to 
these subjects. And this was also my state re- 
specting divine worship, I did not clearly per- 
ceive that all worship performed in the will of the 

* John vii. 17. f X John ii. 27, 



34 

creature, and without the immediate assistance of 
the Holy Spirit, was truly will- worship and ido- 
latry. But in process of time I clearly perceived 
that this was the case. After our minds were 
satisfied on these points, I first met with Barclay's 
Apology. — But I must now leave my class mate 
and our discussions and go back a little. 

When I had been at college about a year, the 
rector, or chief ruler, sent for me to his house in 
order to converse with me concerning those reports 
that had been circulated, of my being a heretic. 
After I had, at his request, seated myself by him, 
he told me he had a desire to hear, from my own 
mouth, an account of my state. Adding, that it 
was not from any dissatisfaction in his own mind 
concerning me, for he was well pleased with my 
conduct since I became one of their members; 
that he believed the reports were chiefly owing to 
misapprehension, ignorance, and ill-will; and that 
he wished to know from me the grounds of it. This 
was the substance of his communication. I replied, 
that if he would be pleased to have patience with 
me, I would give him a plain account, and be as 
brief as I well might, to be intelligible. I gave a 
relation of my first setting out on my religious 
journey; of my travels, exercises and experience, 
to that day ; which took up about an hour and a 
half, as I supposed. He was all this time very 
quiet and attentive ; not giving me the least in- 



35 

terruption. I thought he listened with much satis- 
faction. When I had concluded we sat silent for 
some time. He seemed to be so much affected that 
he could not easily speak. After recovering, he 
said, '* Ferris, I bless God for giving you eyes to 
see what you see J 9 He said nothing more to me, 
except just to inform me that he was well satisfied 
with that opportunity, and so dismissed me. 

I do not know that I concealed from him any of 
the principles I held at the time he referred to, 
when I was called a heretic ; but I did not unfold 
to him all my views at the time I was speaking; 
being sensible he could not bear it. He was a sin- 
cere professor, and a lover of good men, and after- 
wards showed a kind regard for me ; saying more 
in my favour than I apprehend I deserved, al- 
though not more than he believed to be true. Aud 
this was the case with many others whose expec- 
tations of my future usefulness had by some means 
been raised ; in consequence of which I was much 
esteemed by the most worthy class of people : but 
being kept humble and low in my mind, and see- 
ing my own weakness and infirmity, I was pre- 
served from the snares of popularity, although they 
made my trials the greater 5 as will appear in the 
proper place. 

After thig interview with the rector I resumed 
my studies, which I pursued with diligence; being 
desirous to be found in the way of my duty in every 



36 

respect; that a blessing might attend my under- 
taking. I was careful of my thoughts, words and 
actions ; endeavouring to be exemplary and ser- 
viceable to all about me. 

I now became increasingly thoughtful on reli- 
gious subjects. The doctrines I had been taught, 
and the way of worship in which I had been edu- 
cated, were subjects of anxious concern. I was 
desirous to ascertain whether they would bear a 
strict scrutiny. On trial I found them defective j 
and hence arose the many debates I had with my 
class-mate, as before related. 

About the middle of the last year of my resi- 
dence at the college, I met with Barclay's Apo- 
logy ; and after reading it I let my class-mate also 
peruse it, with whom I had before discussed the 
doctrines there treated of. He read the work at- 
tentively, and made little or no objection to it ; 
but told me Barclay's arguments were unanswer- 
able. Several other thoughtful scholars to whom 
I lent the book, after they had read it, made the 
same acknowledgment, with very little objection 
or opposition to the reasoning of its author. 

I continued at the college until near the time 
for taking my degrees ; and being convinced of the 
errors of my education relating to the doctrines 
we held, and the worship we performed, I appre- 
hended it was time to consider what was best for 
me to do ; and being favoured to see that a quali- 



37 

fication or commission derived from man was not 
sufficient for the gospel ministry, I concluded not 
to take their degrees, nor depend upon their au- 
thority. 

Although I agreed with Barclay on doctrinal 
subjects, yet I knew not that I could join with the 
Quakers, or any other people with which I was 
acquainted. I still continued a member of the 
Presbyterian society; attended their meetings; 
and partook of their bread and wine. But I was 
not free to sing with them; not haying been, for 
some time before, in a condition to sing: besides, 
it did not appear to me an acceptable sacrifice, or 
any thing like divine worship, for a mixed multi- 
tude to sing that of which they knew nothing by 
experience. My exercise of mind daily increased ; 
for now the time was near at hand in which I must 
leave them. This was a day of trial ; for, although 
at the commencement of my religious progress, I 
had forsaken all the youthful delights and vanities 
with which I had been diverted, and had been 
enabled to trample them all under my feet, ex- 
pecting never again to encounter such difficulties ; 
yet, now I found that self was not sufficiently mor- 
tified in me. To be brought down from the pin- 
nacle of honour ; to be esteemed a fool ; to be 
trampled under foot by high and low, rich and 
poor, learned and unlearned, was hard to bear. 
As I observed before, I had been much esteemed; 

D 



88 

though, as I was sensible, more than I deserved. 
I knew the people had undue expectations of my 
future usefulness, and that if 1 left the college, as 
I thought it my duty to do, my credit would sink, 
and my honours be laid in the dust; and then in- 
stead of being caressed and exalted, I must be 
neglected and despised. 

But I had other difficulties to encounter. My 
father looked forward with hope that I would be 
an honour to him and his family. He had promised 
to set me out in the world in the best manner his 
circumstances would admit. I knew that if I were 
obedient to my convictions of duty, he would re- 
gard it as a disgrace to my family and connexions ; 
and would be more likely to turn me out of his 
house, than in any way to assist me. Besides, I 
had heard of a vacancy for a minister, and that 
the people were waiting for me to occupy it. The 
congregation was numerous ; a larger salary was 
offered than any I knew of in that part of the 
country ; and I was informed that the rulers of 
the college had been consulted on the occasion. 

Here, if 1 complied with my sense of duty, I 
must " take up the cross," and turn out naked into 
the world ; for I had very little property of my 
own ; none to expect from my father ; and no 
salary to support me. Many would regard me as 
the off-scouring of all things; fit for nothing. 



39 

I laboured under a lively sense of all these dif- 
ficulties. Poverty and disgrace stared me in the 
face ; and, as I had none but the Lord to whom I 
could make known my distress and discourage- 
ments; nor any other of whom to ask counsel; 
I cried to him incessantly for wisdom, strength 
and fortitude ; that I might be favoured with a 
clear discovery of my duty, and enabled faithfully 
to obey him in all things. 

At this time my trials and difficulties were so 
numerous, that I was ready to conclude with Job, 
that I should " die in my nest." I feared I should 
never be able to resign all my interest, honour 
and credit in the world ; submit to a state of po- 
verty. ; and incur the disgrace of a reputed 
heretic ! These difficulties were presented to my 
view, and magnified to the highest degree that 
any one can imagine. In the height of my dis- 
tress I entered my closet or study, and thus poured 
out my complaint before the Lord : ** O Lord ! I 
know not what to do, in this day of deep distress 
and anxiety of soul. I am not sufficiently clear 
respecting my duty in the undertaking and exe- 
cution of an affair of so much importance. All that 
I have in this world that is valuable, and my ever- 
lasting happiness also, is now at stake." 

My present situation appeared so important, 
that if I mistook my course, and took a wrong di- 
rection, all might be lost for ever. If I should be 



40 

led by a spirit of error and confusion, I might 
oftVnd my Maker and my fellow creatures; fop 
ever remain in a dark wilderness; and never be 
restored to favour with God or good men. 

Darkness prevailed over me so far at that time, 
that I seemed to be placed in the situation of John 
the Baptist, when he sent two of his disciples to 
inquire of Christ, « Art thou he that should come, 
or look we for another V 9 — I was almost ready to 
despair, and to conclude that I was altogether 
wrong in proposing to take a step so contrary to 
reason, as this now appeared to be. Thus I poured 
forth my complaint, and mourned before the Lord. 
I had none to depend upon but him, nor any other 
of whom to ask counsel in my distressed circum- 
stances. My dependance was wholly on him for 
wisdom and direction, in this trying and afflicting 
situation. 

It is difficult to conceive, and not in my power 
to express, the anxiety of my mind in this proving 
season ; for every thing valuable seemed in dan- 
ger of being totally lost. Nevertheless, I cried to 
the Lord for help ; and covenanted with him, that 
if he would be pleased to direct me in the way 
which would be safe for me to pursue, manifest his 
will therein, and afford me assistance to perform 
my duties, I would resign all to his disposal; obey 
his will ; no longer reason with flesh and blood ; 
but trust to his providence for support and credit 



41 

in the world ; and for every thing else he might 
deem best and most convenient for me. For I was 
now clearly convinced, that if I did not resign 
every thing, when it was evidently manifested to 
be my duty, I had nothing t6 expect but death, as 
to my spiritual condition. 

Whilst I was thus bemoaning my condition be- 
fore the Lord ; waiting upon him for direction, 
with ardent prayers for his assistance and wisdom 
to guide me in the right way, He was graciously 
pleased to show me that he was about to bring the 
church out of the wilderness, or wandering state, 
in which she had long been destitute of the true 
leader. And he made it clearly known to me that 
it was his will 1 should go forth, and be an instru- 
ment in his hand for the accomplishment of this 
design. 

As soon as I was satisfied on these points, I rea- 
soned not with flesh and blood, but immediately 
gave up to the heavenly vision. I then went to 
the chief ruler of the college, and obtained his per- 
mission to go home ; but I told no one my reasons 
for this procedure. 

This was a trying time. I was about to take 
an important step. Like Gideon, I was desirous 
to " turn the fleece ;" to wait in retirement for 
wisdom, maturely to consider this weighty under- 
taking, which now pressed heavily on my mind. 
After staying at home about three weeks, the will 

D2 



42 

of my divine Master, relating to my removal from 
college, was satisfactorily manifested. Without 
making known my purpose, I returned to the col- 
lege and settled my affairs, in order to leave it. 
Whilst I was preparing to depart, a report was 
spread among the scholars that I was turned Qua- 
ker ; and was going to leave them. Yet I did not 
hear that any of them uttered a hard or railing 
word against me. The rector, Elisha Williams, 
took an opportunity to converse with me. He was 
very moderate, but said he was sorry for my con- 
clusion ; that, heretofore, he had entertained a 
good opinion of me, and an expectation that I 
would be useful in my day ; but now his hopes 
were, in great measure, frustrated. We had much 
conversation on the subject j he signified he did 
not give me up for lost. He appeared serious, and 
we parted good friends. 

As the time for my departure drew near, being 
wholly resigned to the Lord's will, the cloud was 
removed from my tabernacle; my sight was clear $ 
my courage returned ; and the mountains, whose 
tops so lately appeared to reach the clouds, were 
all laid as level as a plain ; the sea was driven 
back 5 so that there was nothing to interrupt my 
passage. I went over all, as on dry land, and not 
a dog was suffered to move a tongue against 
me. Then was my soul filled with living praise ; 
thanksgiving and rejoicing in the Lord j who had 



43 

triumphed gloriously. He was my strength, my 
song, and my salvation. The deeps covered my 
enemies ; they sank to the bottom as a stone. The 
right hand of the Lord was glorious in power j 
and I sang his praises ; for he was worthy ; hav- 
ing done great things for me. 

Before I left college I told the re x or of my in- 
tentions, and that I did not know that I should 
return ; but if I should change my mind, and wish 
to take a degree, if it would be permitted, per- 
haps I might come back for that purpose : if I 
should conclude not to return, I would write to 
him and give my reasons for such conclusion. He 
replied, and told me I should be welcome to a de- 
gree; and that it would give them pleasure to 
grant me one. 

While I was preparing for my journey, my 
class-mate, before mentioned, being desirous to 
ride one day with me, obtained permission. The 
rector told him, that I might, perhaps, instill bad 
principles into him, and lead him astray. To 
which my friend replied, « I have lived a great 
part of the time since I came to the college with 
him, and I believe he has done me no harm ; but 
contrariwise." Then, having bidden them all 
farewell, we departed. 

I thought it a favour that one of my fellows 
who was in good credit, and esteemed none of 
the least in the college, should be willing so far 



44 

to fake up the cross, as to accompany me, who 
was deemed a heretic, a Quaker, or they knew 
not what ; but feeling a degree of love for me, it 
made him fearless of shame or any disgrace that 
might ensue. 

As w r e rode along, we discussed all the doctrines 
which we had formerly debated j and he appeared 
almost as much convinced of the truth of my sen- 
timents as I was. Near night, when we were 
about to separate, he said, " Ferris, I believe you 
are right in leaving the college. I believe your 
principles are sound and good ; but I do not see, 
at present, that I am called to do as you have 
done. If, at any time hereafter, I should see it 
to be my duty to follow your example, I purpose 
to have no will of my own j but submit and obey 
the will of my Master.'' We bade each ether fare- 
well, and I saw him no more $ but I afterwards 
heard that to follow my example was a cross too 
heavy for him to bear. He took to preaching for 
a living among the Presbyterians ; and never left 
them to my knowledge. 

After I had parted with my companion, I went 
on to New-Milford, where my parents and rela- 
tions resided. About three weeks afterwards, I 
went to a yearly meeting of the people called 
Quakers on Long-Island ; in order to discover 
whether they were a living people or not ; for a 
living people I wished to find. I had thought for 



45 

several years before that there ought to be such 
a people; a people who had life in them, and 
abounded in love to each other, as did the primi- 
tive christians ; a people who knew they had 
passed from death unto life, by their love to the 
brethren. Here I gathered strength, and was 
more confirmed that I was right in leaving the 
college; for I found a living, humble, heavenly 
minded people; full of love and good works; 
Buch a one as I had never seen before. I rejoiced 
to find that which I had been seeking ; and soon 
owned them to be the Lord's people ; the true 
church of Christ; according to his own descrip- 
tion of it; where he says, U By this shall all men 
know that ye are my disciples, if ye love one an- 
other." I also found they held and believed the 
same doctrines, the truth of which had been mani- 
fested to me immediately by the Holy Spirit. 
Being the same that Robert Barclay had laid 
down and well defended in his Apology. Before 
I had read this work, I did not know there was a 
people on earth who believed and lived in the 
truth, as described by Barclay ; but here I found 
a numerous society who held the same truths, and 
lived an humble, self-denying life; becoming the 
character of christians. I was indubitably satis- 
fied that their worship was in spirit and in truth; 
and they such worshippers as the Father sought 
and owned. I was convinced, beyond a doubt, 



46 

that they preached the gospel in the demonstra- 
tion of the spirit; and divine authority was felt 
to attend their ministry. They were not like the 
scribes, to whom I had been listening all my life j 
who had neither commission nor authority, except 
that which was received from man ; being such 
as the Lord never sent ; and therefore could not 
profit the people they professed to teach. I now 
clearly saw the difference between man-made 
ministers, and those whom the Lord qualifies and 
sends into his harvest field ; the difference be- 
tween the wheat and the chaff; and it was mar- 
vellous to rue, to reflect how long I had sat under 
a formal, dry and lifelesss ministry. 

At the meeting before mentioned, there were 
several eminent ministers from Europe, both 
male and female. I there heard women preach 
the gospel, in the divine authority of truth ; far 
exceeding all the learned rabbies I had known. 
This was not so strange to me as it might have 
been to others ; for I had before seen, by the im- 
mediate manifestation of grace and truth, that 
women, as well as men, might be clothed with 
gospel power ; and that daughters as well as sons, 
under the gospel dispensation, were to have the 
spirit poured upon them, that they might pro- 
phesy : and though I had never before heard a 
woman preach, yet I now rejoiced to see the pro- 
phecy fulfilled. 



After I returned home from the yearly meeting, 
I wrote a letter to the rector of the college, in- 
forming him that I had determined not to return; 
and that I could not, with freedom, take any au- 
thority that man could give. I also informed him, 
that since I left them, I had heard women preach 
the gospel far better than any learned man I had 
ever heard. 

Having now left the college, and separated 
myself from the people among whom I had been 
educated, I saw great cause of thankfulness to 
the Author of all good ; who had revealed to me 
the errors of my youth, and the falsity of the doc- 
trines imbibed in my education ; who had made 
known to me his truth and people ; so that I had 
no doubts remaining. It now became my prin- 
cipal concern that I might be enabled to walk in 
the truth, and witness the Holy Spirit to lead me 
on my way. 

In this state I admired the boundless goodness, 
the infinite kindness, and tender mercy of a gra- 
cious God, in effecting my late deliverance ; espe- 
cially when I considered how tempestuous were 
the seas, and how the billows rolled over me ; 
how the mountains of opposition raised their lofty- 
heads to stop my passage ; and again, in a short 
time, how the winds and seas were hushed and 
still ; and how the mountains became a perfect 
plain ! 1 truly found as great cause to sing upon 



the banks of deliverance, as Israel did of old, when 
they had passed through the sea on dry ground j 
and had turned about and seen their enemies dead 
on the shore. I rejoiced in the Lord, and sang 
praises to Him, who for me had done marvellous 
things; who had made me acquainted with his 
blessed truth ; arid at length gave me ability to 
trample the world, and all its riches, honours and 
pleasures, under my feet ; to submit to the cross 
of Christ ; and be willing to be accounted a fool 
of all men. For which favours I felt myself under 
great obligations to my gracious Benefactor. 

I will now return to a former part of my narra- 
tive, and give some account of my reception by 
my relatives. After I had parted with my class- 
mate, on my way home from college, I heard that 
my father had received intelligence of my inten- 
tions, and was much dissatisfied with my proceed- 
ings; saying, " If the accounts I have heard be 
true, I desire he may never come to my house 
again." Being thus informed, I went to my bro- 
ther's. After some days I went to see my father. 
He would not speak to me ; but turned and passed 
away without taking notice of me. In a few days 
afterwards I went a second time; but he still re- 
fused to speak to me. After a few days I went the 
third time, and met him at the door, and asked 
after his health ; at the same time pulling off my | 
hat; (for at that time I was not convinced of the 



49 

necessity of bearing a testimony against hat- 
honour;) he replied, he was not very well, and 
passed away. I then went into the house, and my 
father returning, we sat down and entered into 
conversation. He said he had heard I had left 
the college and turned Quaker. In reply I told 
him, it had been my endeavour for some years 
past, to follow my divine Leader, and that I still 
endeavoured to attend to the same Guide ; and 
follow whithersoever he might lead me ; that I 
apprehended he had led me to leave the college, 
and forsake the way of my education ; and it 
was possible that the same Guide might some time 
lead me to join the people called Quakers ; but 
that, as yet, I knew but little of them. After 
some time spent in conversation of this kind, my 
father queried what need there was to forsake the 
way of my education ; "for," said he, «« the Lord 
has favoured you, and been with you in the Pres- 
byterian way ; so that if you continue to fear and 
serve him in that way, you may do well; and will, 
no doubt, end in peace." I answered, it was true 
I had been much favoured under my former pro- 
fession ; the Lord had been near me, and his living 
presence with me. He had led and guided me by 
his good Spirit, and had revealed his will to me 
far beyond any thing I had deserved, or could have 
expected; and I still desired to follow that Teacher 
who had never led me astray ; but had brought 



50 

Hie, step by step, from one degree of experience 
to another, until I was obliged to leave the col- 
lege; and bear a testimony against the formal pro- 
fession I had made; and thus he had led me to the 
present time. 

Thus we conversed for some hours; my father 
raising objections to the Quakers, and my joining 
with them. But, through divine assistance, (with 
which I think I was favoured,) I was enabled fully 
to answer all his objections ; so that he was willing 
to leave the subject; and became moderate, and, 
apparently, more easy in his mind. From that 
time, during the remainder of his life, although he 
had many opportunities, he never entered into 
any arguments with me on religious subjects ; but 
was always kind and affectionate. I thought he 
concluded I might do well in the way he found me, 
and so remained satisfied. 

After I had been some time at home, new objec- 
tions arose in my mind against a compliance with 
the customs of those among whom I resided ; 
such as bowing and scraping; putting off the hat; 
saying, "Your servant, sir, madam, &c." and 
against using the ungrammatical, corrupt lan- 
guage of "you 1 ' to a single person. Although, in 
past years, I had known various exercises, and 
thought I had learned many hard lessons, yet I 
found much in me that required mortification, and 
that I yet had many things to learn. To refuse 



51 

the use of the plural language to a single person, 
although it seemed a small matter, yet I found it 
hard to submit to it. I was convinced, that the 
common mode of speaking in the plural number to 
a single person, was a violation of the rules of 
grammar, and unscriptural. I also believed the 
pride of man had introduced the custom, yet I 
thought it was not necessary to make myself ridi- 
culous to all about me for a matter of so small im- 
portance. So long, therefore, as no necessity was 
laid upon me to take up the cross in that respect, 
I continued to use the language of my education. 
Yet I used compliments sparingly ; because, the 
disuse of them was not so observable. How- 
ever, it was not long before I found it my duty to 
say «« Thee" and "Thou" to every Individual. Ne- 
vertheless, I found an inclination or temptation so 
to turn the conversation as to shun this mode of 
speech ; yet this did not afford peace. Small as 
the matter appeared, I could not be easy without 
being entirely faithful in every respect • and my 
duty in this particular being clearly manifested, 
I reasoned no longer with flesh and blood ; but sub- 
mitted to the requiring. It was a rule with me to 
do nothing of this kind by imitation; but, when 
any thing was required of me, to submit ; and thus 
I obtained peace. 

About this time, several scholars coming from 
the college, invited me to accompany them on a 



52 

visit to the minister in our settlement J and ac- 
cordingly I went with them. We walked with our 
hats under our arms, and so entered the house. 
Just as we were about to depart, I was required 
to bear a testimony against the hat-honour. Sol 
rose, put on my hat, went to the priest, and bade 
him farewell, without putting my hand to it, or 
bowing my body. This being the first time I had 
refused these compliments, it was a close trial ; 
and it appeared remarkable, that it should be re- 
quired of me at such a time, and in such company : 
but neither the priest, nor my companions, took 
notice of it, so as to make any remark. My obe- 
dience afforded me great peace ; and, by yielding 
to these inward motions of the sure Guide, in small 
things, I gained strength ; and was more and more 
confirmed that I was right in making such a 
change. 

I now began to lay aside some of the superflui- 
ties of my dress, and to appear like a Quaker ; 
believing it was required of me not to hide myself 
in any respect; but boldly to bear a testimony to 
the truth ; so far as it was clearly manifested to 
me. I did not then wonder that people admired 
at our folly, (as they think it to be,) in making our- 
selves a laughing-stock and by-word, by our sin- 
gularities ; because, so it appeared to me but a 
short time before I was obliged to submit to it. I 
loved the honour and esteem of men, as well as 



53 

others; and would have enjoyed it, if I could have 
had it with peace of mind ; but that is not allowed 
in the school of Christ, where nothing will do with- 
out self-denial and taking up the daily cross; and 
if, on our part, there be a full submission in every 
respect, I can say, from experience, that our peace 
will flow as a river. 

Having left the college without taking a degree, 
it was probable I should have no salary to depend 
on for subsistence. I had disobliged my father, 
and of course had nothing to expect from him ; 
and I had but little of my own to support me. And 
now, being come to the twenty-fifth year of my 
age, I began to think it necessary to use some 
endeavours to obtain a livelihood. I had for seve- 
ral years before this period thought I should go 
to reside in Pennsylvania ; and this prospect now 
opened so clearly, that I was inclined to believe it 
was my duty to go there. I accordingly made 
ready and went, in company with three minister- 
ing friends from Europe, then on a religious visit 
to America. We arrived in Philadelphia about 
the middle of the Sixth month, 1733. 

Here ends that part of my narrative which was 
written in my youth in the Latin language. 

As I observed before, I arrived in Philadelphia 
in 1733. I concluded that if I could establish my- 
self in business that would be likely to answer, I 
would, for some time, make the city my residence. 
e 2 



54 

After the yearly meeting was over, and I had be- 
come a little acquainted with Friends, and known 
among them, I proposed to open a school, to teach 
the Latin and Greek languages. But, as I was a 
stranger, and those children that were intended 
to be taught these languages were mostly entered 
in other schools, I was doubtful whether I should 
be able to get a sufficient number of such scholars. 
I therefore agreed to teach English also ; and, in 
time, I had a school, of both sexes, sufficiently 
large for my support. 

Being a stranger, I consequently met with trials 
and difficulties. For a while my school was small 
and not likely to support me; but I endeavoured 
to be resigned, and repose with confidence in an 
all-sufficient Providence, from whom I had often 
received help in times of great trial. My difficul- 
ties were increased by the low state of my funds. 
The weather was now beginning to grow cold. It 
was customary for the teacher to find wood for 
fuel, and for the scholars to pay a proportion of 
the expense, when they paid for their quarter's 
tuition ; and as I had but few scholars, and no 
money yet due, and not two shillings of my own 
remaining, I was very thoughtful how to procure 
wood. No one knew the state of my purse ; nor 
did I desire to make it known : and this I should 
do if I attempted to borrow. I, therefore, omitted 
to buy, as long as I well could. 1 did not like to 



55 

ask for credit ; and if I did, it was doubtful whe- 
ther I should obtain it ; so that I was closely tried. 
But, while I was under this exercise, the weather 
was more moderate than usual at that season. 
After I had been sufficiently tried, to prove my 
faith and confidence in divine Providence, a 
Friend came into my school, and privately gave 
me twenty shillings;* which, he said, had been 
sent by a Friend, who did not wish to be known 
as the donor. For this unexpected favour, I was 
thankful to the Lord, whose mercies endure for 
ever. Having now the means, I soon purchased 
some wood ; and the weather, in a short time, be- 
coming colder, I had a renewed sense of the kind- 
ness of Providence, who had so seasonably relieved 
me. But afterwards, when my stock of wood was 
nearly exhausted, I was brought into the same 
difficulty and trial, as before ; and as much needed 
a renewal of my faith. I strove to be quiet, and 
to have my dependence placed on Him who fed 
a great multitude with a few loaves and little 
fishes ; and just as I began to suffer, another 
twenty shilling bill was privately presented to me 
by an unknown hand ; but I received it as coming 
from the Lord, who knew all my difficulties. 

Thus was I again relieved ; and never, after- 
wards, received any thing more in this way ; nor 

♦Twenty shillings in 1733, would, probably, be equally valu- 
able with ten dollars in 1825. 



56 

did I ever need it ; as I was sufficiently supplied 
by the proceeds of my business. This was a con- 
firmation to me, that I had been assisted by a 
watchful Providence, who knows all states and 
conditions, both internal and external j and is able 
and willing to turn the hearts of his people, and 
constrain them to help the needy ; as, formerly, 
he sent the ravens to feed the prophet. 

I have made these few remarks for the sake of 
those who may be in similar circumstances, and 
stand in need of faith and confidence in the care 
of divine Providence, over his dependent people ; 
desiring they may afford them encouragement to 
put their trust wholly in the Lord, and not faint 
in the day of inward or outward trials. 

After I had been about six months in Philadel- 
phia, I requested to be taken into membership 
with Friends ; and was, accordingly, received. 
Some time after I had joined the Society, I began 
to think of settling myself, and to marry, when 
the way should appear without obstruction ; which 
was not then the case. I considered marriage to 
be the most important concern in this life. "Mar- 
riage," said the apostle, « is honourable in all." 
I concluded he meant that it was honourable to all 
who married from pure motives, to the right per- 
son, and in the proper way and time, as divine 
Providence should direct. I believed it best for 
most men to marry ; and that there was, for each 



57 

man, one woman that would suit him better than 
any other. It appears to me essential that all men 
should seek for wisdom, and wait for it 9 to guide 
them in this important undertaking; because, no 
man, without divine assistance, is able to discover 
who is the right person for him to marry ; but the 
Creator of both can and will direct him. And 
why, in such an important concern, should we not 
seek for counsel, as well as in matters of minor 
consequence ? There is, moreover, greater dan- 
ger of erring in this than in some other concerns, 
from our being too impatient to wait for the point- 
ings of divine Wisdom ; lest, by so doing, we might 
lose some supposed benefit. It is common for 
young people to think and say, « I would not 
marry such a person ; for certain reasons : such 
as the want of beauty, wit, education, 5 ' &c. ; and to 
affirm that they could not love such a one ; but 
we may err by an over-hasty conclusion, as well 
as by any other neglect of our true Guide. 

I now propose to give some hints of my own pro- 
ceedings in this concern. Near the place of my 
residence there lived a comely young woman, of 
a good, reputable family; educated in plainness; 
favoured with good natural talents ; and in good 
circumstances. Every view of the case was fa- 
vourable to my wishes. 

By some hints I had received, it appeared pro- 
bable that my addresses would be agreeable to 



58 

her; and some of my best friends urged the 
attempt. From inattention to my heavenly Guide, 
1 took the hint from man ; and following my own 
inclination, I moved without asking my divine 
Master's advice, I went to spend an evening with 
the young woman, if I should find it agreeable 
when there. She and her mother were sitting 
together; and no other person present. They 
received me in a friendly manner; but I think I 
had not chatted with them more than half an hour, 
before I heard something, like a still small voice, 
saying to me, « Seekest thou great things for thy- 
self? — seek them not." This language pierced 
me like a sword to the heart. It so filled me with 
confusion, that I was unfit for any further conver- 
sation. I endeavoured to conceal my disorder ; 
and soon took my leave, without opening, to either 
the mother or her daughter, the subject which had 
led me to visit them. And I, afterwards, had sub- 
stantial reason to think it was well for me that I 
had failed in this enterprize. 

I was so confused and benumbed by this adven- 
ture, that I did not recover my usual state for 
several months ; though I could not suddenly see 
that my error was acting without permission ; but 
began to suppose that I should never be suffered 
to marry ; and should have to pass my life with- 
out a companion, or a home. I endeavoured to be 
resigned to this view; supposing it was the Lord's 



59 

will ; but, for several months, it was a severe 
trial. At length I was brought to submit, and 
say, " Amen." This simple account of my visit 
to that young woman, is designed as a warning to 
others ; that they may shun the snare into which 
I was so near falling. 

I shall now relate another of my movements, 
with respect to marriage, which I believe was a 
right one ; as it terminated to lasting satisfaction. 
It may appear strange to some : as if I married 
in the cross ; and, I suppose, few will be inclined 
to follow my example. Yet, if the divine Teacher 
of truth and righteousness be attended to, it may 
be the lot of some. After I had been much mor- 
tified and humbled, under a sense of my former 
mis-step, I went, one day, to a Friend's house to 
dine. As I sat at the table, 1 observed a young 
woman sitting opposite to me, whom I did not re- 
member ever to have seen before. My attention, 
at that time, being otherwise engaged, I took very 
little notice of her ; but a language very quietly, 
and very pleasantly, passed through my mind, on 
this wise, " If thou wilt marry that young woman, 
thou shalt be happy with her." There was such 
a degree of divine virtue attending the intimation, 
that it removed all doubt concerning its origin and 
Author. I took a view of her, and thought she was 
a goodly person ; but, as we moved from the table, 
I perceived she was lame. The cause of her lame- 



60 

aess I knew not ; but was displeased that I should 
have a cripple allotted to me. It was clear to me, 
beyond all doubt, that the language J had heard 
was from heaven ; but I presumptuously thought 
I would rather choose for myself. The next day 
the subject was calmly presented to my mind, like 
a query, " Why shouldst thou despise her for her 
lameness ? it may be no fault of hers. Thou art 
favoured with sound limbs, and a capacity for 
active exertion; and would it not be kind and be- 
nevolent in thee, to bear a part of her infirmity, 
and to sympathize with her? She may be affec- 
tionate and kind to thee ; and thou shalt be happy 
in a compliance with thy duty." Notwithstanding 
all this, I continued to reason against these con- 
victions ; alleging that it was more than I could 
bear. The enemy of my happiness was busily 
engaged, in raising arguments against a compli- 
ance with my duty. Suggesting that it was an 
unreasonable thing that I should be united to a 
lame wife ; and that every one who knew me, 
would admire at my folly.* Thus, from day to 
day, and week to week, I reasoned against it j 
until, at length, my kind Benefactor, in a loving 
and benevolent manner, opened to my view, that, 
if I were left to choose for myself, and to take a 

* The author's person was rather uncommonly good, and it 
is probable he might have thought too highly of personal ex- 
cellence. 



61 

wife to please my fancy, she might be an affliction 
to me all the days of my life ; and lead me astray, 
so as to endanger my future happiness. Or she 
might fall into vicious practices; notwithstanding 
that, at the time of her marriage, she might be 
apparently virtuous \ it was, therefore, unsafe to 
trust to my natural understanding. On the other 
hand, here was a companion provided for me by 
unerring Wisdom ; so that I might rely with safety 
on the choice. Still I was unwilling to submit. 
But heavenly kindness followed me, in order to 
convince me that it would be best to comply, and 
no longer resist the truth. At length it pleased 
the Lord, once more, clearly to show me that if I 
would submit, it should not only tend to my own 
happiness, but that a blessing should rest on my 
posterity. This was so great a favour, and mani- 
fested so much divine regard, that I no longer 
resisted ; but concluded to pay the young woman 
a visit, and open the subject for her consideration j 
but, after I had laid my proposition before her, I 
still had hopes that I might be excused ; and only 
visited her occasionally. During this time, for 
several months, I endured great trials and afflic- 
tions, before I was fully resigned. But, after 
divine Goodness had prevailed over my rebellious 
nature, all things relating to my marriage wore a 
pleasant aspect. The young woman appeared 
beautiful ; and I was prepared to receive her as a 
gift from heaven j fully as good as I deserved. 



62 

We waited about six months for my parents 5 con- 
sent, from New-England, (a conveyance by letter 
being at that time difficult to obtain,) and accom- 
plished our marriage on the thirteenth of the 
Ninth month 1735, in the city of Philadelphia. 

It is now forty years since we married ; and I 
can truly say, that I never repented it; but have 
always regarded our union as a proof of divine 
kindness. I am fully sensible there was no woman 
on earth so suitable for me as she was. And all 
those things which were shown me, as the conse- 
quence of my submission, are punctually fulfilled. 
A blessing has rested on me and my posterity. 
I have lived to see my children, arrived to years 
of understanding, favoured with a knowledge of 
the truth; (which is the greatest of all blessings;) 
and some of them, beyond all doubt, are landed in 
eternal felicity. I have been blessed with plenty ; 
and, above all, with peace. I am, therefore, satis- 
fied and thankful to my gracious Benefactor, for 
bis kindness to me in this concern ; as well as for 
all his other favours ; who am not deserving of the 
least of all the mercies and all the truth which he 
has shown to his unworthy servant. 

I have given this relation, so circumstantially, 
with a view to show how incapable we are to see 
things in their true light, until we are truly hum- 
bled, and brought into subjection to the divine 
will ; and how unsafe it is for poor, frail, short- 
sighted creatures, to reject so safe a counsellor* 



63 

and trust to their own wisdom, in concerns of such 
importance. Therefore, let all seek that * Wis- 
dom that cometh from above ; which is pure, 
peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated. " 

Whilst I was proceeding in my concerns relat- 
ing to marriage, I was also thoughtful concerning 
the proper place to reside ; and the business I 
should engage in for support. I had now kept a 
school nearly four years ; and had partly conclud- 
ed to resign that employment, on account of the 
confinement necessarily attending it j and having 
heard of a new settlement, then making in the 
county of New-Castle, (since called Wilmington,) 
I was inclined to see it; and thought, if it pleased 
me, I might, perhaps, settle there. It had been 
a subject of frequent consideration ; but when I 
mentioned it to my wife, she appeared unwilling 
to leave Philadelphia j as she had lived there 
nearly all her life ; and her relations resided in 
that city. But William Shipley and his wife, from 
Springfield, in Chester county, proposing, in a 
short time, to settle in Wilmington, I went with 
them to see the place. It pleased me so well that 
I rented a lot of ground there ; and, on my return, 
told my wife what I had done. She thought we 
would never make use of it. 

In those days, by various trials, exercises, and 
afflictions, I was reduced to a very low state. My 
natural powers seemed to be so much weakened, 
that I could not judge what course to take, or how 



64 

to proceed, in my temporal concerns, as I had for- 
merly done ; or as others could do ; so that I saw 
no way for me to move, with prudence or safety, 
without immediate direction from the Fountain of 
Wisdom. And, I may say, with humility of heart, 
and thankfulness to the God of all mercies, as I 
sought for it, and waited for direction, I sought 
him not in vain. I waited upon him ; not daring 
to move until he appeared to point out the way ; 
and he failed not to show me what step I should 
take, and when to take it, in a wonderful manner. 
It was marvellous in my eyes, that a poor worm 
should be thus favoured ; and I should not venture 
to mention how particularly 1 was led, if I did 
not believe it to be my duty. 

Observing how ignorant and thoughtless man- 
kind are, in general, of a divine Instructor, espe- 
cially in their temporal concerns, supposing them- 
selves sufficient to manage the afiairs of this life, 
they do not expect or seek for superior intelli- 
gence. 1 feel anxious for an amendment, where 
we are out of the true order ; and shall now give 
some hints of my own experience in relation to 
this subject. 

As before mentioned, I had taken a lot of ground 
in Wilmington ; but as yet it was not clear to me 
that it would be best for us to reside there ; and 
my wife seeming unwilling to think of it, great 
were the trials that attended my mind. 

To move from one place to another, in our own 



65 

lime and will, I believe is a matter of serious con- 
sequence. A change of residence appears to me 
next in importance to marriage ; and, therefore, 
requires the same divine Wisdom to direct us 
aright. We may be qualified for service in one 
place ; and, by removing, to a distance, unless 
we are directed by unerring counsel, the designs 
of Providence respecting us, may be frustrated $ 
and our usefulness lessened. 

Under these considerations I was reduced very 
low in mind ; being sensible of my own inability 
rightly to direct my course. I was full of cares 
and fears; and so humbled that I was willing to 
be or do any thing that was pleasing to my dear 
Master; so that I might be favoured with a 
knowledge of his will ; even if it were to take my 
axe or spade and labour for the support of my 
small family. After many months spent in anxious 
solicitude on this subject, light gradually arose on 
my mind. Some times it appeared best to move ; 
and again the prospect seemed dark and cloudy ; 
but, at length, the prospect of removing to the 
new settlement of which I have spoken, and of 
keeping a store for the sale of goods there, ap- 
peared so clear, that I applied for a house con- 
venient for this purpose, if I should conclude to 
remove. Yet, although I had proceeded so far, I 
was under a daily care lest I should be mistaken, 
and take a wrong step; so as to bring a reproach 

on the profession of truth I had made to the w T orld. 

F 2 



66 

While I was under this concern, I was taken ill 
with the small-pox ; and had it pretty severely. 
When on the recovery, as I sat by the fire one 
evening, in company with my wife, I received a 
letter from the owner of the house, of which I had 
the refusal. He informed me that I must write to 
him the next morning, and say whether I would 
take it or not ; as another person had determined 
to take possession of it. There was no other house 
in the settlement which would be at all suitable 
for my intended business. This brought me into 
a close trial. After I had read the letter to my 
wife, we sat silent for some time. At length she 
cheerfully said, <* Well, let us go." Which I re- 
joiced to hear ; although, at that time, the pros- 
pect was enveloped in darkness. I made her but 
little reply j and being weak in body, and dark in 
mind, I retired to bed. After I had lain some time, 
revolving the difficulties of my situation, with fer- 
vent desires for divine direction, I went to sleep; 
and had a. good night's rest ; which I had not en- 
joyed before, during that illness. About the dawn 
of the day, it seemed as if I heard a clear and 
intelligible language, saying to me, " Go and 
prosper ; fear not ; the cattle on a thousand hills 
are mine ; and I give them to whom I please. Be- 
hold ! I will be with thee." Immediately all my 
doubts vanished ; 1 saw, with sufficient clearness, 
that I might go with safety ; and hope for a com- 
petent subsistence. These circumstances I related 



WSSm 



67 

to my wife j and told her of my prospects j which 
afforded her encouragement, I then arose, and 
wrote to the owner of the house ; informing him 
that I had concluded to take it; and that I hoped 
to move at the time proposed. Accordingly I re- 
moved to it, with my family, in the Third month, 
1737 ,• taking with me some goods for my store. 

After our removal, the minds of the people, both 
in town and country, were inclined to deal with 
us ; and we soon sold the few goods we brought 
from the city. I then had occasion to think of 1* the 
cattle on a thousand hills," with heart-felt grati- 
tude to him who keepeth covenant with his chil- 
dren, and whose mercies fail not. He neither 
slumbereth nor sleepeth; but his watchful eye 
regardeth his depending people, as 1 have ever 
found. 

I will now give some of my views on the subject 
of business, lawful for christians to engage iiw 
Children may be apprenticed to trades which are 
inconsistent with a christian profession. For in- 
stance, some are taught to make instruments of 
war; which they who believe in the peaceable doc- 
trines of Christ cannot lawfully engage in. There 
are several other callings which I believe chris- 
tians cannot consistently follow. 

It is the duty of those who profess to follow 
Christ, the light of the world, to consider whether 
the business in which they engage, is agreeable to 
his will ; and, if a doubt arise respecting its pro- 



68 

priety, to ask counsel, and wait for wisdom, to 
know how to proceed. I was educated under a 
supposition that human learning was sufficient to 
qualify me to teach people the way to peace and 
happiness. This was clearly revealed to me to be 
a mistake j and I had not the shadow of a doubt, 
that they who acquired human learning, to qualify 
them for the gospel ministry, were entirely wrong. 
In consequence of this conviction, I employed my- 
self in teaching a school ; which I believe was 
right for me at that time. And when I purposed 
to enter into another business, being convinced 
that I ought to ask counsel of the great Counsellor, 
I did not run in my own will, and choose my own 
ways. I w 7 as satisfied, that, as we were blessed 
with a divine Teacher, it was our duty to follow 
his directions, in temporal, as well as spiritual 
concerns ; especially in movements of importance. 
And when I believed it would be right to keep a 
store, I was desirous that I might proceed in the 
business under the direction of Him who seemed 
willing to teach me. Not having served an ap- 
prenticeship to the mercantile business, I was 
ignorant of the quality and prices of goods j it was, 
therefore, probable I should be under some diffi- 
culty in these respects. But, as I kept near my 
Guide, he never failed to direct me safely ; both 
in my religious progress and my worldly concerns. 
The advantages arising from a faithful attention 
to the leadings of the Holy Spirit, are very great j 



69 



far greater than my tongue or pen can express $ 
even in the management of our temporal affairs. 
And, I believe, all real christians might have 
their understandings enlightened, and their eyes 
anointed, clearly to see how to proceed in all con- 
cerns of importance, provided the pure fear of the 
Lord prevailed in their hearts; and an humble 
dependance and full confidence in the all-sufficient 
Helper were steadily maintained. 1 speak from 
experience. He has been my instructor in a very 
particular manner ; much more so than 1 have 
mentioned, or than I can describe ; and I am far 
from supposing that I have been more deserving 
than others. Christ said, " Ask and ye shall re- 
ceive." I asked for his direction and assistance, 
and he helped me, and I found the promise true, 

I believe it is consistent with the divine Will, 
that all should have their hope and dependance 
more fully placed in his almighty power ; and that 
they should wait for instruction from him, in all 
their undertakings. Thus, their understandings 
would be enlarged ; their ideas would be clear; 
and, having submitted all to the disposal of divine 
Providence, who had directed their proceedings, 
they would go forward without any anxious cares, 
or distracting thoughts, respecting events. I know 
this to my comfort. So far as I have conformed 
to this view, a blessing has attended my under- 
takings, besides the blessings of peace and an easy 
mind. 



70 

But, before I leave this subject, I will observe, 
that I did not always so closely attend to my 
blessed Instructor as I ought to have done : of 
which I will relate some instances. It was the 
practice of shop-keepers to sell rum ; and I was 
told that if I did not conform to it, I need not ex- 
pect to do any business of importance. So, with- 
out waiting- for direction, I fell into the practice j 
and followed it for several years; until it became 
a subject of uneasiness to me. I found many used 
that article to the injury, both of body and mind. 
Some spent their estates to procure it ; and thus 
brought themselves and their families into want 
and distress; which gave me trouble of mind. 
But, being unwilling to lose the profits of this 
branch of business, I adopted an expedient to 
soothe my pain ; which was, to refuse selling it to 
such as I thought would make an evil use of it. 
But this did not answer my expectations ; for they 
would send for it by those who were not suspected. 
At length I was made willing to relinquish the 
profits on this article ; and trust to Providence for 
the result. I ceased to sell it ; which afforded 
me peace, and made no great diminution of my 
business. 

It was also customary, in those days, for Friends, 
as well as others, to sell many superfluous arti- 
cles: such as gay calicoes ; flowered ribands ; and 
other fine things ; which we, as a society, did not 
allow our families to wear ; and which it was not 



71 ' 

consistent with our profession to encourage in 
others. With these views, I endeavoured to lay 
aside all such superfluities, and to deal in such 
articles only, as were really useful. I was told 
that if I refused to sell such goods, I might quit 
my business ; but, as I did it from a sense of duty, 
I was not sensible that 1 sustained any loss by it. 
f After I had been in business several years, and 
had increased in wealth, three or four of my fel- 
low-townsmen concluded to build a vessel, and 
trade to the West Indies ; and, without consulting 
my kind Instructor, I was prevailed upon to join 
them. But, being favoured to see my error, I with- 
drew from the concern, as soon as possible ; and 
confined myself to the business of my store. As I 
attended to this business, I found I could not feel 
easy to sell my goods for as much as I could get 
for them ; as was the practice with many ; but by 
selling them at a moderate profit, I obtained peace 
of mind. 

I am aware that many, and even some who 
make a high profession of religion, will deem my 
remarks on business, marriage, &c. unworthy of 
notice ; and be ready to smile at them, as the 
whims and notions of a distempered, enthusiastic 
brain ; because they may have had no such expe- 
rience. Yet, there may be others, who, having 
had some knowledge of this way, will be glad of 
these remarks; for I am sure, beyond all doubt, 
that what I have written is true, and well worthy 



72 

of attention.* And if men were universally to 
attend to the direction of Him who is come to lead 
us into all truth, the wars and devastation now 
prevailing in our land would not have existed. f 

I will now recur to the time when I first joined 
the society of Friends. — After I was admitted into 
membership, I diligently attended all our meetings 
for worship and discipline; and greatly admired 
the beautiful order established in the society; and 
the living gospel ministry with which we were 
favoured. After I had been a member about one 
year, I was concerned to appear in the ministry; 
and excite the careless to a consideration of their 
"latter end." I had passed through many vicis- 
situdes and tribulations ; but when this concern 
was laid upon me, it seemed heavier than any 
thing I had ever had to bear. I thought I could 
never be resigned to it. When I was called out 
of the vanities of my youth; and was obliged to 
submit to the cross of Christ; to become a laugh- 
ing-stock, and a by-word, to my companions and 
acquaintances; I was so humbled; so mortified; 
and self so much abased; I thought I could submit 
to any thing that might afterwards be required of 

* When we consider the superficial state of most religious* 
professors, it is no marvel they should reject the doctrine of 
spiritual direction in secular concerns; although it was plainly 
promised by Christ: M When he the Spirit of Truth is come, he 
\it\\ guide you into all truth. " — John xvi. 12* 

t The revolutionary war. 



78 

me. Again, when I passed through that great 
trial of leaving the college, in the manner before 
related ; to deny all the honours, friendships, 
pleasant connections, and riches of the world, I 
concluded I should never again meet with so great 
a trial. But I was mistaken. This far exceeded 
all I had previously encountered. J, however, 
submitted so far as to speak a few times in our 
meetings; and then, through great fear that I 
should not be able to persevere, 1 was induced to 
be silent ; and postpone the performance of this 
duty until a more * convenient season ; w or more 
full manifestation of the divine will. I concluded, 
that if I should continue, for any considerable 
time, to appear as a minister, and afterwards 
should be silent, it would bring greater dishonour 
on my profession than thus to cease at an early 
period of such a concern. Sometimes I hoped that 
at a future meeting the trial would not be so se- 
vere ; at others, that more strength would be 
granted me. Thus I reasoned, from month to 
month, and year to year, during seven years. In 
all which time the concern was often so heavy, 
that I sat, and trembled, through the time of meet- 
ing ; and then went away full of sorrow, trouble 
ani pain of heart. 

For several years after this, I seldom felt this 
concern ,• yet I was still sensible that I had a work 
of this kind to do ; and felt great pain in neglect- 
ing it* I saw no way to obtain peace of mind, but 

G 



74 

by a submission to the cross, and becoming willing 
to be accounted a fool; and this being a severe 
trial, I evaded it. Sometimes I had a feint hope 
that I should yet obtain strength to proceed in the 
work; at other times, I was almost in despair. 
Thus I passed along for fifteen years ; during 
which time my error was manifested to me in 
various ways. Sometimes, by the Holy Spirit, 
showing me that "obedience is better than sacri- 
fice, and to hearken to the voice of the Lord, than 
the fat of rams." Sometimes, by the ministry of 
his messengers ; and sometimes, by dreams, &e. 
Thus, in great mercy, the Lord followed me as he 
did Ephraim of old ; saying, w How shall I give 
thee up, O Ephraim V* 

One night I dreamed that I saw a large, spa- 
cious building, in an unfinished state ; and the 
master builder, who appeared an excellent per- 
son, came to me, as I stood at a distance, and de- 
sired me to go and take a view of it ; to which I 
agreed; and as we were surveying it, and exa- 
mining the particular parts, I observed that among 
the many pillars, erected for the support of the 
building, there was one lacking. I queried of him, 
what was the cause of that vacancy. He replied, 
it was left for me ; and that I was specially de- 
signed and prepared for the place ; and showed 
me how I fitted it ; like a mortise is fitted to its 
tenon. So that I saw in my dream that all he said 
$vas true. But, notwithstanding all this, I objected 



75 

to my capacity and fitness to fill the vacancy ; and 
was, therefore, unwilling to occupy it. He endea- 
voured, by the most convincing reasons, to remove 
all my objections ; and to demonstrate that I was 
fitted for the place. He further told me, that they 
had not another prepared for it; and that the 
building would be retarded if I did not comply 
with the design. After he had reasoned with me 
a long time, and I still refused, he appeared to be 
grieved ; and told me it was a great pity that I 
should be rendered useless in the house, by my 
own obstinacy. And then added, * But it must 
not be so ; for if thou wilt not be a pillar, thou 
shalt be a plank for the floor." He then showed 
me how I might be flatted and prepared for that 
purpose. But I refused that place also; on the 
ground that it looked too diminutive to be a plank 
to be trod upon by all who came into the house. 
At this the master was troubled ; seeing I would 
accept no place that was offered me : but, after a 
long debate, he concluded to leave the propositions 
he had made, for my further consideration ; and 
so we parted. 
f The next day I was at a meeting on Long- 
Island, and a concern came heavily upon me to 
say something that was presented to my mind. 
The burden of the word was weighty, and more 
difficult to remove than usual ; but I contended 
with it, and, at length, refused to comply. I was 
then in company with two women Friends. The 



76 

following night one of them dreamed that she saw 
me sitting by a pleasant stream of water ; before 
me a table was spread with all manner of dain- 
ties ; but I was chained, so that I could not reach 
any of them : at which she was troubled ; and 
asked the master of the feast, why I was deprived 
of the liberty to partake of the good things on the 
table. He answered, that the time had been, 
when, on certain conditions, I might have enjoyed 
them to the full j but that I had refused the terms, 
and therefore was now justly deprived of them. 
She inquired of him whether this must always be 
my case. He answered, perhaps not ; that if I 
would yet submit, and comply with the terms, it 
was not too late to partake of all the good things 
she saw. The interpretation of this dream, and 
of mine the night before, was easy and plain. 
They rested on my mind for several years, as 
cause of humbling instruction ; and excitement to 
future care, diligence, and obedience. 

The next day, as we were travelling towards a 
town where we intended to have a meeting the 
following day, we were informed that a people, 
called the New-lights, were to have a meeting 
there the same day j and that we might, probably, 
get there at the time their meeting was sitting. 
As soon as I heard it, I thought the word of the 
Lord passed through me, saying, " Thou must go 
to that meeting/' I knew not the object, but sup- 
posed it might be to bear a testimony against their 



77 

errors in worship and practice ; and to proclaim 
the truths of the gospel in their hearing. I rode 
on without speaking to my companions ; but the 
concern remained weightily with me. I endea- 
voured, as usual, to get from under it; saying to 
my Master, " I am in no wise qualified for the 
service ;" and desiring that he would send by 
those who were fitted for such a work; or, as 
Moses said, H by whom he would send j" so that 
I might be excused. Whilst I was struggling to 
evade this service, one of the women turned to me 
and said, " Why canst thou not go to this meeting 
of the New-lights, and proclaim to them the truth, 
as our Friends did formerly ?" Her speech added 
fuel to the fire that was burning within me. I 
thought it came with divine authority ; but I made 
her no reply ; having before as much as I could 
well bear. I, however, felt an engagement to 
press forward ; and when we arrived at the house, 
where we intended to tarry for refreshment, be- 
ing under great exercise of mind, I walked back- 
ward and forward across the room. The friend 
who had spoken to me on the road, I observed, 
was under great exercise also. I walked and rea- 
soned as long as I well could. At length the power 
of opposition was overcome ; and I was obliged to 
submit. I then observed to the friend, " I believe 
I must go to that meeting." She replied, " I be- 
lieve so also." The landlord, hearing what was 
said, proposed to go with me ; and I accepted of 

G2 



78 

his offer. So being pressed in spirit to make haste, 
we set out; and coming to the meeting-house, I 
stepped on the door-sill, to go in, and at that in- 
stant the meeting broke up. I then stepped aside, 
and stood still, in retirement of mind ; waiting to 
know my duty. The people rushed out of the 
house ; and I found my mind relieved of concern; 
so I was easy to return, without further service. 
I believed the will to act, in this case, was ac- 
cepted for the deed ; and I returned in peace. 

Thus was I shown that my divine Master was 
able to bring me to a state of submission to his 
holy will ; and I then concluded that, if he would 
excuse me from such a trying service, I would no 
longer refuse to speak among those of my own 
persuasion. 

But after all this, I proceeded with a heavy- 
heart; being convinced that my work was ne- 
glected. It was several years, after this occur- 
rence, before I fully submitted to the divine will ; 
in all which time I went on lamenting my unfaith- 
fulness. Sometimes I had a hope, as it were, 
against hope, that I should obtain a victory over 
that slavish fear which had so long enthralled me. 
At other times I was ready to conclude there was 
no cause to hope for deliverance from it. Yet, 
during this period, I was not wholly forsaken by 
my divine Master; but was enabled to perform, I 
hope with acceptance, some services for him : 
such as warning the drunkard, the profane 



79 

swearer, and the liar, of the evil of their ways ; 
and advising them to repent Sometimes, during 
this period, I was also concerned to accompany 
Friends, who were engaged to visit religious 
meetings in distant places; in yielding to which 
I found peace. Yet, when abroad on such services, 
and my call to the ministry was brought into view, 
the sense of my neglect sunk my spirits ; and pain 
of heart attended me. Thus I spent more than 
twenty years ! 

Although, as has been mentioned, I had been 
many times invited, and had received indubitable 
evidence of the divine will, both immediately and 
instrumentally, so that every doubt was removed 
from my mind ; yet the fear of man, the fear of 
missing my way, the fear of doing more harm 
than good, prevailed against me ; so that I thought 
I should never be able to submit to the divine 
will concerning me. But, towards the termination 
of the aforesaid time, I felt more lively ; and a 
concern to appear in the ministry revived* Being 
from home, at a meeting, I was concerned to say 
something to the people ; but, according to my 
usual custom, I postponed it till a more convenient 
season. On this account I left the meeting in great 
heaviness and sorrow, for my disobedience. On 
the following night, I dreamed that I saw two 
generals drawing up their armies, in order for 
battle. Each captain had his men in order, ready 
to obey the command of their general, and stood 



80 

at their head, waiting for orders to march, and 
stand in the engagement where he should com- 
mand them. One of the generals came to a cap- 
tain, who stood near me, and said to him, " You 
are a valiant man, and skilful in the art of war ; 
therefore march into the right wing of the army, 
and in front of the battle." But the captain ob- 
jected to the post assigned him ; and pleaded his 
unfitness for it; saying, "It is a place of danger, 
and requires a man better qualified for such a 
post." The general answered, that he was well 
qualified for the place allotted him ; and that if he 
took it he might, by his skill and valour, do emi- 
nent service for his king and country ; and gain 
great honour ; which would be a means of promot- 
ing him to places of higher trust. He, however, 
desired to be excused ; and could not be persuaded 
to take the post assigned him. I stood by, and 
heard all the general's arguments to persuade him 
to comply, until I was filled with indignation at 
the captain's obstinacy ; especially as the general 
had absolute authority to command, and yet was so 
kind as to use entreaty and persuasion. I then 
said to the general, "It is my judgment, that this 
captain is not worthy of the place assigned him ; 
since he refuses to serve his king and country, 
according to his capacity ; and rejects the honour 
and promotion he might obtain. Were I in the 
general's place, I would set him in the rear of the 
army, where he Mill have less opportunity of pro- 



81 

motion, and may lose his life as well as in the 
front." To this the general replied, " The decision 
is just, and in the rear he shall stand j ,f where he 
was accordingly stationed. 

I awoke from my sleep in great distress ; under 
a sense of the just judgment which (like David) 
I had passed on myself. From this time, during 
several months, I was on the brink of despair ; 
concluding I was wholly unworthy to stand in 
front ; and, therefore, should be placed in the 
rear, to be killed in obscurity. After a time of 
great anxiety and distress of mind, the Lord was 
graciously pleased to look upon me with compas- 
sion ; and again offered to make me a pillar in his 
house ; and I felt a renewed concern to appear in 
public for his name, and in the cause of Truth. 

In the year 1755, being in company with Com- 
fort Hoag and her companion, from New-England, 
then on a religious visit to Friends in this part of 
the country, I attended a meeting with them ; in 
which I felt a concern to speak to the assembly; 
but, as usual, evaded it. After meeting Comfort 
said to me, " David, why didst thou not preach to- 
day ?" I smiled at.the query ; seeming to won- 
der that she should ask such a question; and 
endeavoured to appear innocent and ignorant of 
any concern of that kind. As she knew nothing 
of me but what she had felt, (having never before 
seen or heard of me,) she said no more. On the 
following day a similar concern came upon me, 



82 

and I evaded it, as before. After meeting, Com- 
fort again said to me, " David, why didst thou 
net preach to-day V I endeavoured to pass it by 
as before ; but she said it was not worth while to 
evade it, for she was assured that I ought to have 
preached that day ; and that I had almost spoiled 
her meeting by refraining; which had hindered 
her service. When I found I could not conceal my 
faults, I confessed the whole ; and told her I had 
been for more than twenty years in that practice j 
and then gave her a history of my life from the 
beginning down to that day. She admired that 
divine kindness was yet manifested toward me in 
such manner; seeing 1 had so long rebelled 
against it. And then gave me suitable caution 
and advice. 

The following day, being at meeting, I again 
felt a concern to speak to the people ; but endea- 
voured to evade it. A man of some note was sit- 
ting before me, and increased my reluctance to 
speak. I supposed he would not be present at the 
next meeting; and then I would obey the call of 
the Lord to that service. Thus I spent the greater 
part of an hour. At length, my divine Master, 
the great Master Builder, thus addressed me, 
" Why dost thou still delay ; desiring to be excu- 
sed until a more convenient season ? There never 
will be a better time than this ; I have waited on 
thee above twenty years ; I have clearly made 
known to thee my will ; so that all occasion of 



83 

doubt has been removed ; yet thou hast refused to 
submit, until thy day is far spent ; and if thou 
dost not speedily comply with my commands, it 
will be too late ; thy opportunity will be lost.' 5 I 
then clearly saw that if I were forsaken, and left to 
myself, the consequence would be death and dark- 
ness for ever ! At the sight of the horrible pit that 
yawned for me, if I continued in disobedience, my 
body trembled like an aspen leaf; and my soul 
was humbled within me! Then 1 said, * Lord ! 
here am I ; make of me what thou wouldst have 
me to be ; leave me not in displeasure, 1 beseech 
thee." All my power to resist was then suspend- 
ed ; I forgot the great man that had been in my 
way ; and was raised on my feet, I hardly knew 
how, and expressed, in a clear and distinct man- 
ner, what was on my mind. When I had taken 
my seat, Comfort Hoag rose, and had an open, 
favourable opportunity to speak to the assembly. 
After meeting she told me that, during the time 
we had sat in silence, her whole concern was on 
my account ; that her anxiety for my deliverance 
from that bondage was such, that she was willing 
to offer up her natural life to the Lord, if it might 
be a means to bring me forth in the ministry ; and 
that, on making the offering, I rose to speak. On 
which her anxiety for me was removed, and her 
mind filled with concern for the people present.* 

* Comfort Hoag (afterwards Comfort Collins) survived this 
I journey many years ; and died when more than one hundred 
years of age, a lively minister till near her end* 



84 

At that time I was made a real Quaker; and 
was not ashamed to be seen trembling before the 
Lord. Under a sense of so great and merciful a 
deliverance, 1 saw and felt ample cause for it. It 
was with me as with Israel of old, when the Lord 
caused their captivity to return ; saying he would 
build them as at the first, and they should fear and 
tremble for all his goodness, and for ail the pros- 
perity he would procure for them. My soul re- 
joiced in the Lord, and I magnified his excellent 
name, who is worthy of all honour, glory and re- 
nown for ever. 

It appeared to me wonderful, that 1 should thus 
be lifted out of this horrible pit of my own dig- 
ging ; and I was so absorbed in the love and mercy 
of my heavenly Benefactor, that I was filled v Lth 
thankfulness and praise; attended with a desire 
that, in future, I might diligently watch and wait 
for the pointing of his holy finger, to every service 
he might be pleased to allot me ; that so no oppor- 
tunity might be lost of manifesting my gratitude, 
by obedience to his will. My feelings were like 
those of a prisoner who had been long in bonds, 
and was set at liberty. 

This appearance in the public ministry w 7 as in 
the year 1755 ; and in the forty-eighth year of my 
age. After which it was never so great a cross 
to speak in meetings as it had been before. At 
many times, during my long silence, I had a sight 
that if I were obedient to my duty, 1 might be 



85 

made a useful member of the church, and as a 
pillar in God's house ; but, having so long rebel- 
led, I now had no reason to expect that I should 
be so useful as I might have been, had I rendered 
early obedience to the heavenly call. However, 
it appeared necessary, if little were committed to 
my care, to be faithful to that little. Sometimes 
I had a hope of being useful to my fellow-crea- 
tures j at other times I was left to myself, and 
humbled under a sense of my own inability to do 
any thing to the honour of God, or the help of 
others. 

In the year 1758, 1 was received into the meeting 
of ministers and elders ; and soon after obtained 
a certificate to visit some parts of York Govern- 
ment, and a part of Connecticut. A companion 
was provided for me ; and we left home on the 
24th of the Third month, 1758. We visited about 
eighty meetings, chiefly amongst those of other 
societies, to our own satisfaction; and, apparently 
so, to the people generally : who sat in their meet- 
ings admirably quiet ; gave great attention to 
what was said ; and were much affected. They 
were kind and affectionate ; and seemed unwilling 
to part with us. I was four months and five days 
from home ; rode about one thousand miles ; and 
returned in peace, and thankfulness of heart to 
the God and Father of all our mercies. 

For some years after this journey, I seldom ap- 
peared in the ministry. My friends, as well as 

H 



86 

myself, were inclined to believe that if ever I had 
a gift for that service, it was taken from m$. I 
was reduced very low; and great distress at- 
tended my mind. I was often ready to say, *< Is 
God's mercy quite gone ? Will he be favourable 
no more ?" I went mourning on my way, and had 
little comfort in my life. In the night I wished 
for day ; and in the day I wished for night. None 
can conceive with what horror and anxiety I was 
attended ; unless they have been tried with simi- 
lar desertion. The cause of my being so tried, I 
did not then see; but after I was in some measure 
mercifully restored, I believed it was to humble 
me ; that I might be brought to a more perfect 
and entire dependence upon the divine gift ; that 
so nothing of seZ^should be present in my ministry. 

After it pleased the Lord to revisit my soul 
with the light of life, I felt a concern to arise, and 
increase, for the welfare of my fellow-creatures. 
I saw that the professors of Christianity were 
mostly at ease ; and that many under our name 
were contented with a mere profession of the 
Truth ; and I felt a desire that the careless and 
negligent might be awakened to a perception of 
their dangerous situation. 

In the year 1771, Samuel Neale, of Ireland, 
being on a religious visit to Friends in America, 
came to my house, on his way to Maryland. Hav- 
ing no companion, I offered to bear him company. 
He accepted my offer. And we set out in the 



87 

Fifth month, and spent about a month in visiting 
the meetings of Friends, as far as West River; 
those on the Eastern-Shore of Maryland; and 
those between Lewistown and Wilmington. After 
which we rested a few days, at my house. Samuel 
intended to visit the meetings of Friends in New- 
Jersey, and no better companion offering, I ac- 
companied him in that journey also. From Wil- 
mington we went to Salem ; and after visiting all 
the meetings thereabouts, we crossed the country 
to Cape May ; and visited those of Great and Lit- 
tle Egg Harbour, Shrewsbury, and other parts of 
New-Jersey. Spending between six and seven 
weeks, to our mutual satisfaction. We parted at 
a meeting called Solomon's; Samuel going to Phi- 
ladelphia, and I returning home ; where I found 
my family in health. 

Soon after my return, Samuel wrote to me, de- 
siring I would prepare for a journey to New-Eng- 
land. It was very pleasant to me, to find he had 
a concern to visit my native country; for he had 
often said he saw no probability of making such a 
visit. I felt willing to go with him, with the ap- 
probation of my friends at home ; of which I soon 
received their certificate ; and made ready for the 
journey. I left home on the 19th of the Ninth 
month, 1771 ; and went to our yearly meeting at 
Philadelphia; which proved to me a good, com- 
fortable meeting; as I believe it did to many 
others. Some friends, whom I highly esteemed, 



88 

informed me they were pleased with my intentions 
to accompany Samuel Neale ; which afforded me 
some encouragement ; for I was in a low state of 
mind ; feeling great poverty of spirit. I was ap- 
prehensive that Friends would prefer a better 
companion for him; and might advise me to return 
home ; but Samuel seemed well pleased to find me 
prepared for the journey. 

After the yearly meeting had concluded, we set 
out for New-England on the 27th of the Ninth 
month ; and proceeded directly to Rahway ; where 
we had a meeting on First-day ; and, in the after- 
noon, rode to New- York. Here w r e had a meeting 
on Second-day ; and rested the day following. 
On Fourth-day we attended the monthly meeting 
at Newtown, on Long Island. After which we re- 
turned to New- York. Thence we rode to Shap- 
paqua ; and so on, to Ammawalk, Peachpond, Ob- 
long, Shearman's meeting, Oswego, Jonathan 
Hoag's, Over-the-Creek, Nine Partners, and Sa- 
lisbury ; and had meetings at all those places to 
pretty good satisfaction. From Salisbury we rode 
about one hundred miles eastward to Leicester ; 
had a meeting there; and lodged at the widow 
Earle's; another at Bolton, and one at Salem. 
Afterwards we proceeded in a north-easterly di- 
rection ; attended all the meetings of Friends, as 
far as Case's Bay ; and one on the other side of the 
Bay. We crossed the Bay on the 27th of the 
Tenth month j and returned the following day. 



89 

On our return, the wind was violent ; and we ap- 
peared to be in imminent danger. There were 
fourteen persons in the boat, which was a small 
one, and the Bay eighteen miles wide ; but, 
through divine mercy, we landed safely ; and 
went that night to Benjamin Winslow's. From 
thence we travelled homeward, fifty-five miles, to 
Berwick; and attended the quarterly meeting at 
Dover. Thence we went to Kittery, Barrington, 
Leaiping, and to a newly settled place, fifty miles 
beyond Hampton, called Ware; and had meetings 
at all those places. From Ware we returned to 
Hampton ; and thence proceeded to Salem, Lynn, 
and Boston ; and so, onward, to Nantucket ; visit- 
ing meetings on the way. Afterwards we visited 
Rhode Island ; and thence travelled through New- 
England, and York Government ; and arrived in 
Philadelphia after an absence of four months and 
a half. Having travelled, by land and water, 
about seventeen hundred miles; generally to good 
satisfaction. I returned home in peace, and found 
my family well. 

After this journey, Samuel Neale and I were 
concerned to visit some parts of York Govern- 
ment; and some within the bounds of Connecticut. 
We set out on the 27th of the Fourth month ; and 
went to the quarterly meeting at Oblong. We 
spent about six weeks in visiting the meetings of 
Friends : and holding some amongst those of other 
societies. On our return to Philadelphia, I parted 

H 2 



90 

with my beloved friend, Samuel Neale j with 
whom I had travelled, altogether, about nine 
months. 

On the 16th of the Tenth month, 1772, having 
obtained a certificate of the concurrence of my 
friends, I set out in order to visit the southern pro- 
vinces ; in company with my friend, Robert Valen- 
tine ; whom I met at York-town, in Pennsylvania. 
On the afternoon of the day of our meeting, we rode 
to Newberry ; where we attended a meeting the 
following day ; which was not very satisfactory. 
I was very much depressed under the weight of 
the undertaking ; which appeared a very great 
one, for two such poor striplings. For though we 
were not young in years, yet we were so in expe- 
rience as ministers. Hitherto, I had generally 
travelled with old, experienced ministers; upon 
whom I could lean ; as I was too apt to do. But 
wow, under the prospect that the work would de- 
volve with greater weight on me, I was much cast 
down ; although Robert was a valuable friend, 
and lively minister. I mentioned to him my dis- 
couragement; but he spoke cheerfully; saying he 
believed we should get well along, if our Master 
would go with us ; which he hoped would be the 
case. On the following day we had a large meet- 
ing at Warrington ; and our Master was with us, 
indeed ; and favoured us with his life-giving pre- 
sence. It was an affecting time. The power of 
Truth prevailed over all. Life was in dominion. 



91 

Divine lore filled many hearts; and we parted 
with the people in much love and tenderness. 
This comfortable meeting relieved me of my fears, 
and renewed my faith. We now went on pretty 
cheerfully ; under the hope that we should be fa- 
voured, from time to time, with fresh supplies of 
divine help, through our journey. We visited 
meetings on our way to Fairfax ; were at their 
monthly meeting, and several others, in that 
neighbourhood. At that time our valuable friend, 
John Churchman, was at Fairfax ; and we attend- 
ed several meetings with him. Robert and I had 
an evening meeting at Louisburg. It was held in 
their court-house, and many of their great people 
were present. It proved a very trying time to us 
both ; such as I had never known before. But, 
after we had been sufficiently proved and morti- 
fied, we were favoured with a good, comfortable 
opportunity to relieve ourselves ; for which I was 
truly and humbly thankful. John Churchman re- 
mained at Amos Janney's, in Fairfax, until we 
had visited all the meetings in that neighbourhood. 
After finishing this service, we returned to Amos 
Jaimey's ; and from thence set out on our journey 
southward. At parting with John Churchman, 
he told us he had no objections to our going for- 
ward ; which afforded us great encouragement. I 
was inclined to believe he would advise me to re- 
turn home ; and not attempt further to prosecute 
my enterprise. I concluded he would perceive 



92 

our weakness, and be honest to us in the cause *>f 
truth ; and I felt willing to receive such advice, 
not desiring to proceed without divine approba- 
tion. But, notwithstanding we had been encou- 
raged to proceed, I went on in great fear; having 
a daily sense of my own insufficiency for so great 
and important a service. We, however, ventured 
to proceed to Hopewell; and attended all the meet- 
ings in that neighbourhood ; then went to Smith's 
Creek ; thence to Douglas, Camp Creek, Fork 
Creek, and Genito ; to John Johnson's, in Amelia 
county j to South River, a branch of James's Ri- 
ver ; to Stanton; and so on, to North Carolina, 
We had meetings at all those, and some other 
places. In New-Garden settlement we were at 
one quarterly meeting, three monthly meetings, 
and eighteen public meetings. Though we had 
our trials and baptizing seasons, and felt need of 
daily assistance, the great Shepherd of Israel was 
near us, and favoured us with help. We felt great 
love for the people; and I hope our visit may be 
useful to some of them. 

Soon after we entered New-Garden settlement, 
and before we had had a meeting there, my com- 
panion heard a report that a letter had come for 
me : and that it contained bad news. It was said 
the letter had passed us ; and when, or where, it 
would be found, was very uncertain. My com- 
panion consulted with some friends on the sub- 
ject; and they thought it would be best to conceal 



98 

the report from me ; as we were just going to the 
first meeting in the settlement. However, as we 
rode along, he thought it right to inform me of the 
rumour ; and told me it was reported I was sent 
for home. On hearing it I was filled with con- 
cern; the enemy was busy; and I was weak ; yet 
I continued my journey ; although I had poor 
meetings, I supposed my friends were uneasy 
with my proceedings ; and had sent to request me 
to return. The report concerning the letter 
spread among the people ; and it was currently 
asserted that Wilmington was burnt to ashes; 
that all my property was consumed; and that I 
was sent for on that account. These were heavy 
tidings ; and all true, for any thing I knew to the 
contrary. After several days of great anxiety, a 
hope arose in my mind that it was not so bad as 
was reported ; for, as I turned my mind towards 
home, it seemed to me, that my dwelling house at 
least was safe. I had now been about ten days 
under this trouble, when we lodged at the house 
of a Friend whose wife was a sensible, religious 
woman ; well acquainted with the snares of the 
enemy ; and she, hearing me say something of re- 
turning, as I could hear nothing further of the 
letter, told me she believed there was little or no 
truth in the reports ; but that it was the work of 
Satan and his emissaries, to hinder my service, 
and send me home. This was a seasonable cau- 
tion. When we had visited nearly all the meetings 



94 

in that neighbourhood, and as we designed to pro- 
ceed to Bush River, in South Carolina, I thought 
it best to use every means to find the letter, before 
we went further. I therefore hired a young man 
to go back in pursuit of the letter as far as Hills- 
borough, sixty miles, if necessary. After pro- 
ceeding about thirty miles in the search, he found 
it; and brought it to me, just as we were going 
into a meeting. I opened and read the letter, 
much to my comfort. There was no account of a 
fire, or any other unpleasant occurrence in it. 
Thus all my uneasiness was removed. 

This storm being happily blown over, we set out 
for South Carolina. Zachariah Dicks, John Car- 
ter, William Lindley, and John Unthank, accom- 
panied us to Bush River, two hundred miles j 
which we travelled in five days. Two of the 
Friends remained at Bush River, while we went 
to Georgia. We went afterwards to Wateree and 
Pedee. At the latter place we had two meetings 
with Friends. There we parted with the four 
Friends before mentioned. They had been our 
affectionate and pleasant companions for about a 
month. After our separation, Robert and I felt 
lonesome ; having to ride one hundred and twenty 
miles before we could come amongst Friends again. 
During two days we had guides to conduct us ; 
then, hoping we should be able to find the way 
without their assistance, we advised them to re- 
turn home. We arrived at Richard Cox's, at 



95 

Ncuse River, in safety j and after having two 
satisfactory meetings there, we rode fifteen miles, 
to Great Contentney j where we had a meeting. 
From thence, we went to Henry Home's, at Tar 
River, and had a meeting at his house; which was 
a poor, low time. The professors there seemed 
inclined to the Baptists. From Tar River we went 
to Rich-Square ; and, after attending their meet- 
ing, we set out towards the old settlement, in 
North Carolina. As we proceeded towards the 
lower settlements, in Carolina and Virginia, 
among a wise people, as I supposed, fat and full, 
possessing great numbers of slaves, I was very 
pensive ; and so much depressed, that I would 
gladly have passed them by, and returned imme- 
diately home. But I saw no way for me, but to 
look to my divine Instructor ; and depend on Him 
who had hitherto been our sufficient helper, in 
every strait and difficulty. After a time of trial, 
I was favoured with a degree of fortitude and re- 
signation. I went down among them in fear ; but 
we found some tender, loving, well inclined peo- 
ple j and were favoured with heavenly help, and 
enabled to proceed, I hope, to the honour of Truth, 
and advantage of the people ; for many of whom 
we felt a tender regard, and parted with thern in 
much love. 

Although they were generally in the practice of 
keeping slaves; yet they had begun to seethe 
error of it ; and were desirous to be relieved of 



96 

the burden ; but saw no way to effect it, to the 
satisfaction of themselves, and their slaves ; be- 
cause of the cruel laws in force in these colonies ; 
by which, if a man set his slaves free, they would 
be liable to be seized, and sold to the highest bid- 
der ; which appeared grievous, both to themselves 
and their owners. 

We visited nearly all the meetings in the lower 
parts of North Carolina, and Virginia, to our 
satisfaction. We then passed into Maryland ; 
visited the meetings on the Western Shore, as far 
as Baltimore; from whence we came directly 
home. I found my family and temporal concerns 
as well as usual ; and had great peace and satis- 
faction of mind ; under a thankful sense of the 
many favours we had received ; and that divine 
assistance had been afforded, in every trying sea- 
son. We had been engaged in this visit just five 
months; had travelled nearly three thousand 
miles; had attended one hundred and five public 
meetings ; and arrived at home, on the 16th of 
the Third month, 1773. 

After my return from this journey, I did not 
travel far from home, until the Fifth month, 1776. 
When, in company with John Perry, I left home, 
to pay a religious visit to Friends in New-England. 
At Rahway we met Rebecca Wright and Phebe 
Yarnall ; who were engaged to pay a similar visit; 
and we travelled together about seven weeks. We 
were at many meetings in York Government, Nar- 



97 

aganset, and Rhode Island; and attended the 
meetings on the way to Nantucket. From thence, 
we returned to the quarterly meeting of Sandwich. 
After the close of that meeting, we parted from 
the two women Friends, before mentioned. They 
went towards Boston, and thence, eastward; we 
returned towards Providence ; and visited all the 
meetings in those parts. From thence, we crossed 
Connecticut ; through Hartford, to New-Milford, 
and to oblong. From the Great Meadows, we 
passed by Kingwood, New-Jersey, into Bucks 
county, Pennsylvania ; and thence home. From 
which I had been absent about ten weeks. We 
had travelled, by land and water, eight hundred 
miles. I was favoured with peace of mind, and 
found my family well. 

1779. I am now drawing towards the conclusion 
of life ; being, this day, seventy-two years of age. 
For the encouragement of others, I will now,' 
briefly, recapitulate some of the kind dealings of 
Providence towards me. The God of my life, my 
Maker and Preserver, has been propitious to me, 
from youth to old age. The fear of the Lord, 
which preserves from evil, was placed in my heart 
when I was but eight years old ; so that I was 
afraid to offend him. In the twelfth year of my 
age, I was mercifully visited, and called out of 
the vanities of the world ; at which time I re- 
ceived a promise, that if I sought first the king- 
dom of God, all other necessary things should be 



98 



added ; and I have found the promise true ; for I 
never have wanted any of the good things of this 
life. I have heen blessed with sufficient for my- 
self and friends ; and something to spare to the 
poor. And I esteem it a great favour, that I 
received a disposition to communicate to those 
who stood in need. If all men would « seek first 
the kingdom of heaven, and the righteousness 
thereof,' 5 and carefully attend to the leadings of 
the Holy Spirit, with which all might be favoured, 
I believe they would be blessed with a sufficient 
portion of wealth. O, that mankind were wise ! 
and would early seek that treasure which cometh 
from above ; and which neither moth nor rust can 
corrupt; nor thieves break through and steal! 
And may we all beware of lovin§ the world ; and 
living at ease, in the enjoyment of its good and 
pleasant things ! Even those who have been fa- 
voured with remarkable divine visitations, and 
have been put in possession of «the upper and 
the nether springs," have great need to be on 
their guard. When we enjoy health and plenty, 
and all things seem pleasant around us, we are 
prone to forget the Lord, and neglect those 
« things that belong to our peace." This I know, 
by sorrowful experience. In this way I was 
brought into a long, dark, and mournful situation; 
and kept from yielding obedience to my known 
duty, respecting the ministry. Although I had 
been called out of the world, and uncommonly 



99 



favoured, as before related; although I had for- 
saken the vanities and flesh-pleasing gratifica- 
tions in which I had delighted; although I had 
left the college in a way so mortifying ; had given 
up all to death, and freely borne the cross of being 
esteemed a fool by the world ; afterwards joining 
with the despised Quakers; adopting their lan- 
guage, dress and behaviour ,• all which I could not 
have done without divine assistance ; yet, after all 
this, I was so forgetful, and ungrateful to my hea- 
venly Benefactor, that it is a wonder I was ever 
restored. And I have no doubt, that thousands, 
through negligence, even after they have been 
called out of the world, and have run well for a 
season, have been finally lost; swimming away in 
the riches and pleasures of this transitory state. 
This I have written for a warning to others. 

In the early part of the winter, after my return 
from New-England, in 1776, I was reduced to a 
poor state of health, and so continue. I believe I 
have not lately been ever clear of a slow fever ; 
but have generally been able to go to our reli- 
gious meetings, at and near home ; some times to 
Philadelphia ; and once into Maryland, the lower 
counties on Delaware, &c. &c. 

DAVID FERRIS. 

Wilmington, 5th mo. 1779. 

P. S. I do not think it probable that Friends 
will think the rough remarks and observations I 
have made, worth publishing; but they may pos- 
sibly be of some use to my family, to whom, there- 
fore, I leave them. D. F. 



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